tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-116398402011-11-27T20:03:29.590-05:00One man's commentary on the episodes that's been mentioned on USA Today's "Pop Candy", The Washington Post's Joel Achenbach's column and various debilitating public bathrooms around the countryBanghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.comBlogger1141100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-58633586391332188722010-05-25T09:30:00.003-04:002010-05-25T10:34:43.014-04:00

Everybody wants dirty, sexy peace24 Season 8, episodes 23 and 242 p.m. to 5 p.m.5.24.10In the end, all mama wanted was a little peace, which was calling her like Columbian Bam Bam to a junkie who had just downed an energy drink.But in order to get it, people had to die, dudes had to lose ears and Bauer had to be treated like Terrorist Jack so that Mama MPAT could snuggle up against sweet delicate

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-19898788090261636552010-05-17T22:23:00.004-04:002010-05-18T10:30:28.345-04:00

24 Season 8 Episode 221 p.m to 2 p.m.5.17.10Somehow, in a world of predator drones, ever-lasting Sprint cell phones and Iron Man masks, it seems that the pen of a reporter is still mightier than the sword...but only if you're a hot journalist because they are the only ones who are allowed to sleep with their high-ranking political sources.In this fantasyland, apparently a story in the newspaper

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-29361181980109769262010-05-10T22:15:00.003-04:002010-05-10T23:50:21.242-04:00

Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite? 24 Season 8 Episode 2112 p.m. to 1 p.m.5.10.10Like the swine flu, Bad Bauer has taken a turn for the worse, which has him vomiting up evil in the form of medieval torture techniques, using a hot member of the press as bait (there aren't a lot of those anymore) and watching bad Russian porn in the back of an NYC taxicab."I told you

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-20029485050048210702010-05-03T22:35:00.005-04:002010-05-03T23:37:02.275-04:00

I have a safe deposit box filled with secrets and blinding light24 Season 8 Episode 2011 a.m. to 12 p.m.5.3.10Bauer has taken to the streets as the Robin Hood of justice, stealing evidence from the scofflaws of society and getting those who can be easily manipulated to help him. The cost? Everyone is against him.CTU Director Chloe: "I declare him....an OutLAAAAAAWW!"Bauer's version of Little John

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-60082670386523580412010-04-26T22:22:00.004-04:002010-04-27T00:21:06.281-04:00

MPAT, bored before she "crossed the line"24 Season 8 Episode 1910 a.m. to 11 a.m.4.26.10Not since President Clinton turned the White House into the Fun House was "crossing the line" this much fun and terrifying to watch.What is "crossing the line" you ask? It's when someone runs past that point in one's sub-conscience that allows a person to go off the rails of sanity and suddenly embrace a world

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-53982826175625507352010-04-25T19:27:00.006-04:002010-04-25T23:39:58.217-04:00

When two crazies get it on, sparks and bullets will fly24 Season 8 Episode 189 a.m. to 10 a.m.4.19.10In the world of 24, peace can never exist for two reasons: it's boring and no one wants to see the Russians at any table, even the kiddie one on Thanksgiving.With world peace an angry Russian away, Bauer is convinced that no peace is worth it when it has been born from the blood of the innocent.

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-69938044612435929582010-04-12T21:26:00.008-04:002010-04-13T09:19:35.429-04:00

RIP: Walker, Sexual Ranger 24 Season 8 Episode 178 a.m. to 9 a.m.4.12.10After 8 seasons of 24, the Bauer has finally done what his gun has done at least 500 times before: go off.For 20 minutes in his Ikea-friendly apartment, Bauer interrogated Walker's va-jay-jay with his man pistol and found out she was working for Morning Glory Deliveries and that she's very good at her job (so good that her

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-5195194212282374952010-04-05T23:00:00.004-04:002010-04-06T01:08:15.114-04:00

Someday, my peace will come...24 Season 8 Episode 15-166 a.m. to 8 a.m.4.5.10After being a man of war and purveyor of western whores, President Hassan tried to do something no one thought possible. He tried to bring peace to a television show based on war, terror and violence. In the end, he paid the ultimate price after hearing a list of his alleged crimes, which included:-being an

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-12026114979013214972010-03-29T22:26:00.006-04:002010-03-30T00:12:04.027-04:00

24 Season 8 (The Last One) Episode 145 a.m. to 6 a.m.3.29.10The rods, in their non-glowing stupid glory, is now in the heart of NYC and, in a matter of 15 minutes, threatens to make the Upper West Side look like Trenton, New Jersey, complete with the radiation-poisoned zombies.The terrorist terms? The delivery of President Hassan. The U.S. reaction: an almost unanimous "No Effing Way."The

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-73256970456391503742010-03-22T22:22:00.008-04:002010-03-23T00:41:07.691-04:00

I know computers and hate praise.24 Season 8 Episode 134 a.m. to 5 p.m.3.22.10Since CTU has been EMP'd into the stone age, which is technically 1993 in tech terms, the once all-knowing, all-seeing and all-hearing entity has been reduced to traffic cams, phone with hardlines and remote-controlled drones circling the sky that will soon become self-aware and kill us all.It's gotten so bad that the

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-70662756429404435182010-03-15T22:21:00.008-04:002010-03-17T18:59:38.907-04:00

File 33 is well protected with graphics and Velcro24 Season 8 Episode 123 a.m. to 4 a.m.3.15.10I had a File 33 once. It held printouts of chatroom logs from a girl I met online, as well as the skematics for my super-cool funhouse I was going to build with tinfoil and scrap wood. I was also 12 and thought it was a good idea to have all my important information in once place. Apparently Omar is on

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-81086486769992860772010-03-08T22:29:00.006-05:002010-03-08T23:31:35.960-05:00

24 Season 8 Episode 113.8.102 a.m. to 3 a.m.Apparently even a man locked in a box with a bomb vest on (Target will be the first to jump on the new fashion statement this summer) is no match for the Bauer, who used his angry Care Bear stare through the window and threats of turning people's moms into radiation zombies to convince Half-White Terrorist Marcus out of hiding.Sure, you can try drilling

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-24865944616224887292010-03-02T08:30:00.000-05:002010-03-02T08:30:00.229-05:00

24 Season 8 Episode 101 a.m. to 2 a.m.3.1.10With the Academy Awards only a week away, it's fitting that we honor the brave men and women who use their acting abilities for justice, as opposed to making millions by playing one dimension characters one screen that earns them the right to be followed by TMZ.com.The CTU drama crew has a long, prestigious history, and for tonight's episode, they

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-87803511532116246762010-02-23T07:55:00.000-05:002010-02-23T07:55:00.357-05:00

Aiming is for Amateurs24 Season 8 Episode 92.22.1012 a.m. to 1 a.m.It's now midnight and as the drunken hipsters of NYC line the streets of the Big Apple in search for an over-priced can of Pabst Blue Ribbon at a trendy bar, a band of would-be criminals are hitting the streets in search of the one they call Faraad, which I'm sure can be translated to Failure in a bunch of different languages.Here

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-66283807632169052682010-02-16T08:15:00.000-05:002010-02-16T08:15:00.042-05:00

Everyone has a monkey full of rage inside of them 24 Season 8 Episode 82.15.1011 p.m. to 12 a.m.While the nighttime is the right time for love, it's also the right time for torture, stalking, falling into distrust with your partner, revealing to your father about your secret relationship and cutting carrots.I know...who cuts carrots that close to midnight? Old men from Ukraine who Americanized

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-28547351096548601542010-02-09T09:00:00.001-05:002010-02-15T22:41:34.612-05:00

24 Season 8 Episode 710 p.m. to 11 p.m.2.8.10There's a great danger roaming through the plains of the USA and it exists in Mac Trucks hauling wooden boxes filled with penetrating rods of nuclear power and the men who stare at them.These men may look harmless and unassuming, but they are in, in fact, there for a reason. They are the transporters of evil and are charged with the task of answering

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-19666918700157083572010-02-02T08:00:00.001-05:002010-02-08T21:26:50.382-05:00

How Jack relaxes as Mier24 Season 8 Episode 69 p.m. to 10 p.m.2.1.10In this week's installment of Russian Soap Opera, which has been brought to you by the Human Resources department of Mother Russia, we find all the storylines that have enthralled audiences for years: shameful five-minute sex, drunken (and empty) apologies, makeshift medical treatment and special guest star Jack Bauer reprising

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-78463454984279949782010-01-26T09:00:00.001-05:002010-01-26T09:00:07.812-05:00

Sweet, delicious uranium.24 Season 8 episode 51.25.107 p.m. to 8 p.m.Everyone wants uranium, and some are willing to go that extra mile to obtain it, like have a random three-way with gender questionable Russian whores, which as we all know are the scariest kind.Regardless, Hassan's bro is dedicated and has sacrificed his family and political career for the sweet taste of some weapons grade 235

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-31947387673827598322010-01-18T22:19:00.006-05:002010-01-19T00:17:50.499-05:00

Renee Walker, thinking crazy thoughts24 Season 8 Episode 3 and 46 p.m. to 8 p.m.1.18.10It seems the writer's of 24 have a dart board and on this dart board are various plots from past seasons that were their favorite. Tonight they hit "ironic torture of Jack," "villainous family member," and "hand gets cut off."The product of placing the fate of this show to a game of chance means rehashed

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-87416231268241921442010-01-18T01:32:00.001-05:002010-01-18T01:32:47.259-05:00

24 season 8 episode 1 and 24 p.m. to 5 p.m.1.17.10After hibernating from government work and anti-terrorist activity, Bauer has found a new life of naps, watching boring cartoons and going to the zoo to see bears. And thanks to stem cells, he doesn't look like a grandpa. In fact, he's ready to work security in LA, which means he'll spend days keeping drunk teenagers from crashing into buildings,

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-79187948690601321592010-01-14T10:00:00.000-05:002010-01-14T10:00:00.845-05:00

This Sunday marks the return of Jack Bauer, who has been saved by stem cells and the capitalistic hunger of Fox.For Season 8 (yes, it's been eight years), the Bauer finds himself appropriately in the city that never sleeps and, according to the trailer above, is hellbent on retiring. However, just like others his age, he the economy won't let him and he's forced to do what he did before for even

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-16343054878290862502009-05-18T22:12:00.011-04:002009-05-21T09:01:55.523-04:00

24 Season 7 Episode 23-246 a.m. - 8 a.m.There will be blood...in your bomb.There is only one true threat to the nation and it lies within the throbbing angry veins of Bauer that can either be used for a bioweapon or as fighting juice. If Bauer feels tired, he drinks some from any of the inevitable cuts he has on his body and is good for another 24 hours.The plan, according to Tony, is to extract

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-46116175435085598812009-05-11T22:11:00.008-04:002009-05-12T00:34:46.889-04:00

24 Season 7 Episode 225 a.m. to 6 a.m.Uuuhhh...I get kidnapped now? Yes?Tony is in charge and controlling every one's level of awareness, from the Muslim on the train to the random people at the airport who felt the need to look at the pretty blond girl in front of them through a laptop screen.But what happens when people try to increase their awareness into an unauthorized level? People die...

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-83551510073363759832009-05-04T22:07:00.008-04:002009-05-05T00:19:34.293-04:00

24 Season 7 Episode 214 a.m. to 5 a.m.Bauer, racially profiling you with one hand in his pocket.CTU was up to its racial-profiling tricks again with Bauer checking every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse for a Muslim who may or may not have been a terrorist.Another great CTU tradition was in effect as well, with Jack telling Chloe something personal and

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-44612345961947136752009-04-27T22:04:00.009-04:002009-05-04T22:07:31.798-04:00

24 Season 7 Episode 203 a.m. to 4 a.m.CTU is back, along with it's complicated, illegal-searching servers, to save the country with Big Brother tactics and racial profiling. Oh you have a problem with that Air America?Janice: Talk about Big BrotherFinally, Garofalo has become relevant on the show as the liberal mouthpiece of the FBI, talking about freedom, the bill of rights and everything else

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-27700579018627378322009-04-20T22:05:00.009-04:002009-04-27T22:17:03.971-04:00

24 Season 7 episode 192 a.m. to 3 a.m.Everybody lies. Those who don't are stricken with a bioweapon or killed in a firefight, all because Tony "Climate Change is Real" Al-Queda (thank you to the "Anonymous" commenter from last week's post for that one) wants to sell off a little bit of dementia-causing gas for a shit load of money.The payoff? He gets to keep his street cred and his badass

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-76756209858238488192009-04-13T22:14:00.008-04:002009-04-14T00:35:18.854-04:00

24 Season 7 Episode 181 a.m. to 2 a.m.Evil Tony Almeida, taking a shit on your expectations.After all the promises of a massive conspiracy where Jonas "I'm with the unremarkable genius" Hodges is a mere cog in a giant machine (which doesn't make sense btw), we find out that Tony is, in fact evil and was after the bioweapon all along.Thanks 24. I just wasted approximately 15 hours watching all

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-11588443972868364852009-04-06T22:07:00.008-04:002009-04-07T11:14:50.405-04:00

24 Season 7 Episode 1712 a.m. to 1 a.m.A domestic terrorist attack is brewing in Virginia, Jack Bauer has the shakes and the man seemingly in charge "can't find an opening" for justice or sex. And if Bauer dies, this blog ends up in an internet woodchipper.Starkwood, who has spent most of its career pulling America's "tight" ass out of the fire, is set to penetrate various cities on the Eastern

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-595680548255777352009-03-30T22:17:00.005-04:002009-03-31T01:13:04.237-04:00

24 Season 7 Episode 1611 p.m. to 12 a.m.Bauer has been exposed to a bad touch that can only be manufactured by American hands on African soil, the type of touch that gives you Alzheimer's disease and MS in 48 hours and ushers in what may look like the longest death scene in television history.It's also the kind of touch that leaves a man naked and wet on the side of the road with his hands in the

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-83110592001810015502009-03-23T22:05:00.012-04:002009-03-25T15:19:04.569-04:00

24 Season 7 Episode 1510 p.m. to 11 p.m.The world is being threatened and from different angles, from bioweapons hidden in metal crates to political douches willing to spray manufactured lies all in the name of dirty sex with a broadcast journalist which, given this economy, will no doubt be filled with elements of shame and sadness (their medium is dying).However, the biggest threat isn't coming

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-5530108840032248182009-03-16T22:25:00.006-04:002009-03-18T11:09:43.129-04:00

24 Season 7 Episode 149 p.m. to 10 p.m.A man is dead and Bauer is "At Large," which is a lot like going to the fast food restaurant, picking the worst thing on the menu and then asking them to deep fry it...again.But this is when he thrives, when the adrenaline is coursing through his veins which allows Bauer to tap into that dark place we all have inside of us when we see a car with an

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-67563848708104729392009-03-09T22:09:00.010-04:002009-03-10T12:15:17.960-04:00

24 Season 7 Episode 138 p.m. to 9 p.m.Three words: Buchanan is dead.Three other words: Bauer has feelings.Jack Bauer cried tonight, which is usually only brought out of his system when someone close to him dies or he chops off someone's hand. What's more, it revealed to Hot Walker Bauer's warm gooey side which made her eye-fuck him even more.But wait, this is supposed to be a eulogy and not about

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-8117822526525416592009-03-02T22:27:00.007-05:002009-03-05T00:04:26.654-05:00

24 Season 7, Episodes 11 & 126 p.m. to 8 p.m.General Juma, in his Coming to America garb.Juma's team has infiltrated America and done so with the greatest of ease thanks to young men with non-threatening faces who are skilled at the art of small talk. They were so ingrained in our culture that white people were inviting them to weekend parties that were serving Chinese food. Add a drunk donkey in

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-70775925248545751862009-02-23T21:13:00.005-05:002009-02-26T23:34:56.635-05:00

24 Season 7, Episode 105 p.m. to 6 p.m.Bauer is behind the tree, waiting to watch you cry.Jack Bauer is dead inside. He doesn't cry and if you want him to save someone from fire, you better be ready to shoot him in the nuts or pinch his nipples because the only language he understands is pain.So when Emo Walker (once she starts self-medicating with NyQuil and cutting, the transformation will be

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-17559709904298492062009-02-16T19:05:00.005-05:002009-02-17T13:49:55.970-05:00

24 Season 7 Episode 94 p.m. to 5 p.m.She's ready for geek war.It's coming. The great geek hacker war of 2009 between two socially inept women who cling to their terabyte hard drives the same way real housewives of New York cling to their Botox appointments has begun.Hold on to your USB drives because it's gonna get CAPTCHA-azy in here son.Chloe has been reinstated to raise suspicions, make quick

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-63460307440593697462009-02-09T20:56:00.010-05:002009-02-10T13:01:54.428-05:00

24 Season 7 episode 82.9.093 p.m. to 4 p.m.I will not back down until I get a hug.In an effort to run counter to Hallmark's quest to stimulate the economy with a holiday dedicated to shaming couples into caring for each other, 24 brought an episode full of such good-time fun as knife fights, placing an infant in danger, and death.It was all so Bauer could utter well-timed catchphrases of

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-52871015648772894212009-02-02T21:16:00.008-05:002009-02-03T00:55:48.557-05:00

24 Season 7 Episode 72.2.092 p.m. to 3 p.m.The *CIP Device, here to tease your firewall and infiltrate your motherboard.The CIP Device allegedly died tonight so in honor of it and its magical powers, I Googled "CIP device" and got the picture above.Why did it die? It was probably the deadly combination of Jack Bauer and the fact that it was running Windows Vista. Any computer with that OS is

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-30531446422592683042009-01-26T20:52:00.006-05:002009-01-27T01:09:27.145-05:00

24 Season 7 Episode 61 p.m. to 2 p.m.1.26.09Every time you hear someone say CIP device...Tonight, Tony reiterated his "I don't cross certain lines" stance and forever sealed his fate with CTU startup and its righteous blue GMC van of justice.Which isn't all that bad. Startups can be fun, as long as they have fun drinking games. CTU startup's involves taking a shot whenever someone says "CIP

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-83334729221663798442009-01-19T20:33:00.014-05:002009-01-20T12:23:07.156-05:00

24 Season 7 episode 512 p.m. to 1 p.m.1.19.09"Feel the lameness." - Larry Moss The more I watch the inner workings of the FBI in the world of 24, the more I'm convinced it's some high school version of CTU, where everyone is a little too dramatic with a side of raging hormones.At one point, I was expecting Special Agent Larry to start singing about how hard it is to be caught in the middle of

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-57496374721068297162009-01-12T22:29:00.015-05:002009-01-13T11:10:19.138-05:00

24 Season 7 Episode 3 & 410 a.m. to 12 p.m.1.12.09Somehow, Jack should have known his day would lead to a bunker "not far" from the Metropolitan DC area with wood paneling on the wall and a scruffy Bill Buchanan staring back at him with weepy puppy dog eyes.The Bauer: I wish I could quit you. But I'm only here because you people are the only ones I trust. The minute you do anything to make me

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-15523525940183808612009-01-11T19:36:00.014-05:002009-01-12T09:35:08.319-05:00

8 a.m. to 10 a.m.1.11.09We've stepped into a new dimension where things appear familiar, save for a slight change. It's the same dimension you experience at high school reunions and when you name the stripper giving you a lapdance after an ex-girlfriend. You've been there before, and it feels wrong.How different is bizarro 24? The above photo is now irrelevant.In an effort to forget about the

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-86361252038854135752008-11-23T22:16:00.011-05:002008-11-24T06:56:05.316-05:00

And so the new chapter of 24 begins in the fictional country of Sangala, which is close to Sanwater (great beaches) and Sanfood (they have everything else, including WiFi).Here is the latest stop for Jack Bauer's personal Amazing Race, where he hops from location to location, running away from a piece of paper ordering him back to the States.He was in India before (where his task was to

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-46860511992241107352008-11-10T22:26:00.006-05:002008-11-10T23:16:05.404-05:00

That's right. Like Shaft and Dave Chappelle before him, Jack Bauer is in Africa. Why? Because when you've run out of ideas on how to shock people, you have to add things like child soldiers and genocide to get people to say "ARGHUH!" to their televisions (when translated, that says "Holyshitwhatthehelljusthappenedtothatguysface!!"On Sunday, Nov. 23, the two-hour 24 prequel "Redemption" will air

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-4466286689443981112008-06-16T22:37:00.009-04:002008-12-10T17:03:36.185-05:00

Behold! Tis the new, updated version of 24: Season One (Special Edition), dressed in silvery chrome and looking fancy. It's also packing inside. Here's a picture of it kicking the ass of old 24 Season 1 with a swift flying kick to the face.It wasn't long before the new "special edition" was on top of the crummy, made-out-of-cardboard season one box. Here it is again, sporting its dominance over

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-81274378480537311922008-05-21T17:35:00.004-04:002008-05-21T17:54:41.105-04:00

With the regular season of television wrapping up, I'm turning towards "The Rookie," a spinoff/advertising campaign made from Degree for Men (because when you're saving the world, you can't smell like shit).I did something about the Rookie a while ago, and apparently it's grown since then. The rookie is Jason Blaine, an eager young pup who is dealing with life as a CTU lackey who drives cars,

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-6996483973341731062008-05-20T09:46:00.004-04:002008-05-20T10:13:21.630-04:00

OK, maybe not a video store, but this alternate ending, found in the Special Edition DVD of season one (which the FOX people tell me is out today), shows us one of the ways the writers could have ended the season one (the real ending had Nina killing Teri and yelping that no one would ever know who she worked for...guess what, we still don't. Jack should have ripped her head off right there and

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-20683883420419816652008-03-06T17:24:00.002-05:002008-03-06T17:33:31.454-05:00

According to a post on TV Squad, 24 is coming back THIS FALL with a two-hour prequel movie that will cover the two years between the ghastly season six with the potentially triumphant season seven.Here, we should learn who survived the nuclear blast, who turned into a zombie and what new fashion accessory the Bauer will have next (I bet in an ironic twist they will give Jack super powers...thanks

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-53289620321696655032008-01-21T14:48:00.001-05:002008-01-24T10:07:48.837-05:00

After living 48 days like an illegal alien (being locked in a cell, doing laundry for athletes), Kiefer Sutherland is now free to roam the drunk-driver ridden streets once more.He's sworn off booze forever, much like Jack Bauer has sworn off heroin and girls with puffy lips away.Is it a coincidence that the week Jack Bauer returns to society that the WGA is planing an "informal meeting with

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-52203659586657268242008-01-14T10:23:00.000-05:002008-12-10T17:03:36.544-05:00

It's Monday. It's January. And 24 is still not back. Damn you network television for not coming to terms with the writers and forcing me to read about one of my favorite shows.Last year I received word about a new book coming out called Secrets of 24: The Unauthorized Guide to the Political & Moral Issues Behind TV's Most Riveting Drama, which is a long title made all the more glamorous by the

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-39660924308942633752008-01-03T14:20:00.000-05:002008-01-03T14:26:43.226-05:00

Just found this on Digg.com and I can't believe I never noticed the resemblance before. It's probably because season 7 of 24 has been postponed, probably forever since the WGA strike hasn't shown any signs of ending (look at what Conan has resorted to without his writers).So in lieu of Bauer kicking ass, I'll try to regularly post on stuff on this site. Don't worry. There's a book on the horizon

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-44635370281326631992007-12-02T15:45:00.000-05:002008-12-10T17:03:36.800-05:00

There are plenty of 24-themed books out there, but this entry has something the other ones don't: a quote on the back from yours truly.A couple of months ago I was contacted by someone involved with "24 and Philosophy: The World According to Jack (The Blackwell Philosophy and Pop Culture Series)" and was asked to provide them some praise for the back of the book. She sent me the book

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-34372114711976131952007-10-27T11:23:00.000-04:002007-10-29T10:06:13.778-04:00

The trailer for Season 7 was released on Thursday during Game 2 of the World Series. Those of you who weren't up late or hate baseball, the above video has all you need.Here are initial thoughts...Bauer answers for his crimes: I like how he's angry already. It was boring opening the season to a weepy Bauer or a settled Bauer. Here we have angry Bauer, probably because the government woke him

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-24830196127069380032007-05-22T01:58:00.000-04:002007-05-22T02:28:17.069-04:00

4 a.m. to 6 a.m.5.20.07 I’m sick of components, character recaps and old men who can’t drive. The next season of 24 better have digital software, ambiguous statements and sexy Latina waitresses who run illegal street races on Friday nights. The season finale of 24 started off as most mornings do in LA. A middle-aged blond man kidnaps a 16-year-old kid and brings him to the beach, the FBI is

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-60172097417630375202007-05-15T02:10:00.000-04:002007-05-15T02:12:16.714-04:00

3 a.m. to 4 a.m.5.14.07 By introducing the world to the egg roll, pandas and rickshaws and poisoning our pets, China has been inching closer and closer to the ever-elusive ranking of “superpower.” Now, according to Papa Bauer, the timetable for that to happen is 10 years, and the old man plans to be there for the party. The country has much to learn before it gets those embroidered bomber

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-80535201942046617172007-05-08T01:46:00.000-04:002007-05-08T01:47:47.427-04:00

2 a.m. to 3 a.m.5.7.07 The security at CTU has failed again, proving once more that their guards are as useful as geriatric Wal-Mart greeters. And those guys can barely see or speak English. This time the culprits went through the sewer (what? there’s a sewer under CTU?), which is a shame because Old Man Buchanan used to patrol that sector with a flashlight and a baseball bat. Sometimes he would

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-12175319985727771272007-05-01T02:18:00.000-04:002007-05-01T02:47:26.631-04:00

1 a.m. to 2 a.m.4.30.07 There’s something in the air tonight. It’s not love or an unsettling Phil Collins song. No, that feeling floating through the atmosphere is the grip of evil and it’s touching everyone in their no-no-bad-places. Sheryl Crow (Audrey) has been touched by the Chinese and is in a state of catatonic shock. That’s what happens when you are prodded with chopsticks and force-fed

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-46523381528782983192007-04-24T01:56:00.000-04:002007-04-24T02:01:45.633-04:00

12 a.m. to 1 a.m.4.23.07 Usually after midnight, things start to change. The beer starts tasting more like water, the sex gets dirtier and celebrities start going out of their mind thanks to all the drugs they’ve ingested that has warped their sense of reality. So it’s fitting that the episode began with Ricky Schroder running through a field and flagging down a car from the highway. This is how

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-80964300217395943412007-04-17T01:49:00.000-04:002007-04-17T01:54:04.367-04:00

11 p.m. to Midnight4.16.07 The suitcase nukes are no longer a threat. They’re just heavy suitcases now and because CTU doesn’t know how to handle things that won’t explode, the Marines are called in. . The battle is over and now Jack can celebrate with his new man-crush Ricky “I Think I Love You” Schroder. Unfortunately, the man-date at Applebees will have to wait, thanks to a drugged-up

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-62722728988459013842007-04-10T02:05:00.000-04:002007-04-10T02:07:44.230-04:00

10 p.m. to 11 p.m.4.9.07 Palmer 2.0 has launched a nuclear missile at a brown terrorist country with the intention of blasting all their huts and falafel stands into the ground. He’s had it with the lying, the painfully slow political process and people constantly referring to him as the “lame Palmer.” The missile makes everyone uneasy, which usually happens when a man decides to expose his

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-21949313533116860952007-04-03T01:00:00.000-04:002007-10-29T10:17:58.322-04:00

4.2.079 p.m. to 10 p.m.It’s time to party in the White House bunker, thanks to the 25th Amendment, the hedonistic party of the political world. No other amendment offers this much vague and potentially deadly fun. There are elements of a campaign, an election and a drunken staring contest. The only thing missing from this amendment is a clause that, in an event of a tie, the winner would be

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1762119077114530492007-03-27T02:01:00.000-04:002007-03-27T02:04:04.183-04:00

3.26.078 p.m. to 9 p.m. Jack Bauer found a new friend in his daily fight against terrorism. His name is Brady. He can hack into any computer in the world, will do anything you say (eventually) and loathes all red-colored foods. Brady is also autistic, making him loose cannon. He can save the world or bring it to its knees, all with a kind smile and a hug. Bauer handles the situation as anyone

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-4461183048920469292007-03-20T01:46:00.000-04:002007-03-20T01:59:55.727-04:00

3.19.077 p.m. to 8 p.m. Audrey Raines, the woman who tamed the savage beast that is Bauer and who was mocked endlessly by some (ok me) for looking like Sheryl Crow, is dead. She got the large, red “DECEASED” stamp all over her file. This made the Bauer cry, mostly because he still has the “KNOCKED UP” stamp in his locker that they bought together. They were going stamp their files

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-68225786848319854582007-03-13T01:35:00.000-04:002007-03-13T01:54:50.951-04:00

3.12.076 p.m. to 7 p.m. Crazytown is back and she’s a different kind of crazy. Instead of popping pills and flailing her arms as she screams at walls, she devours fruit and incorporates hippie phrases like “rebirth” and “happy for my happiness” into daily conversation. The fruit and hippie-speak don’t do much for her mental stability, but it does make her hair extra curly, which is all an

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-33200530589794281322007-03-10T11:21:00.000-05:002008-12-10T17:03:37.470-05:00

Rodney Charters needs coffeeBy Eddie ShoebangEditor CTU: RookieThose looking for last week's recap click here. Jack Bauer may have the anti-terrorism skills, balls of steel and the ability to run around for 24 hours without hunger pains. But there’s a new guy in town and he takes the missions that Jack won’t. “I need five double espressos, four coffees with five sugars and cream…hold on. Make

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-27517917586537901602007-03-06T01:57:00.000-05:002007-11-19T18:04:26.138-05:00

3.5.075 p.m. to 6 p.m.While most people dream of hitting a 300 million dollar jackpot or scoring a threesome with models, Jack Bauer goes to sleep each night and dreams of a country that hasn’t been infiltrated by dirty and annoying consulates, which are the guest rooms America provides for her international friends.Bauer freaks out in consulates the same way I freak out at dinner parties when

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-68146083094555891112007-02-27T01:57:00.000-05:002007-02-27T02:01:32.410-05:00

2.26.074 p.m. to 5 p.m. Jack just ordered CTU to arrest his father stating that “It’s complicated” as a reason. Wait, does that work? I don’t even have to say it’s complicated. Here’s a list of punishable offenses my old man commits on a daily basis-breathing loudly-complete disregard for personal hygiene-his snore rattles the houses and scares neighborhood cats-begins every conversation with the

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-87750783237579713752007-02-20T01:12:00.000-05:002007-02-20T01:18:52.420-05:00

2.19.073 p.m. to 4 p.m. I love it when a CTU techie ends up in the field. It’s like watching a fat man swim in the ocean. You just really hope he makes it out alive. Stache was that lucky techie and he was armed with a pistol and a big dumpster. His primary mission: protect Bright Eyes, the wife of Dead Brother Bauer. His secondary mission: don’t die. Bright Eyes was told to run to the ally while

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-33033494451478630912007-02-13T03:04:00.000-05:002007-02-10T20:49:32.441-05:00

2.12.071 p.m. to 3 p.m. When I first heard of another two-hour 24 “event,” I was expecting explosions, yelling, and cannibalism. Instead, all I got was buildup and character shame. Lots and lots of shame.Since this post is so damn long, here are the episodes’ quick hits:Number of shame moments: 5Bags of popcorn eaten during the show: 1Times my dad snored uncontrollably during the show: 3Funniest

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-84065645293697235012007-02-06T01:55:00.000-05:002007-02-06T01:58:18.059-05:00

Noon to 1 p.m.2.5.07 The Bauer finally experienced the great American tradition that is the family reunion. And, like all reunions, it included yelling, sadistic torture, whiney kids, guns, and someone saying a poorly timed “I love you” that creeps everyone out. The reunion started off with a bang as Papa Bauer and Jack (they’re team fighting name is PB and J) issued a beating to the two thugs

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-2822416157136954742007-01-30T01:01:00.000-05:002007-01-30T01:29:46.203-05:00

11 am. to Noon1.29.07 Tempers were running high with The Bauer as global terrorism took a backseat to family strife and Jack had a reunion with a giant that turned out to be his father. Seriously, what leprechaun did Papa Bauer bang to have two sons that barely come up to his waist? Maybe if he bagged a supermodel or a giraffe Graem wouldn’t have grown up with a Napoleon complex. He’d have hair

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-46232609464753877862007-01-23T02:19:00.000-05:002007-01-23T02:20:22.036-05:00

1.22.0710 a.m. to 11 a.m. So everyone is freaking out because a nuclear bomb has exploded in LA and there are four more of these things roaming around and JACK HAS A BROTHER? And he’s dorky looking?? Graham (Bad Bauer), the evil bald white guy from last season, was revealed to be Jack’s brother. Even more distressing than that was the fact that Bad Bauer nailed such a hot looking wife, a wife who

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-46649307372074029362007-01-16T02:19:00.000-05:002007-01-16T02:22:43.660-05:00

1.15.078 a.m. to 10 a.m. Fortune Magazine is wrong. CTU is the best place to work for. Where else can a former employee get his job back by ignoring direct orders, breaking traffic laws and getting your friend, who happens to be a known terrorist, a full pardon by the president? The only other job that comes close is one as a security guard in a prison, but that’s only if you’re dirty. The malls

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-10576676423018381452007-01-15T01:12:00.000-05:002007-01-15T02:04:40.462-05:00

1.14.076 a.m. to 8 a.m. The country is getting terrorized by suicidal bombers, brown people are getting arrested or put in detention centers and the New England Patriots just stunned the San Diego Chargers and will be moving on to the AFC Championship game. In short, everyone is flipping the freak out. But there is one man who can set everything right and that is Hippie

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1148372224816678042006-05-23T04:15:00.000-04:002006-05-23T04:17:04.850-04:00

5 a.m. to 7 a.m.5.22.2006 The first twenty minutes of episode one had no commercials and barely any time to breathe. The Russian sub had been taken over, the missiles were being aimed at "high density areas (which had to be Red Light Distracts and crack houses at this hour), and the Alliance (Bauer and Anti-Bauer) were preparing to stop the attack. With no one else en route, the Alliance had to

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1147762539901872932006-05-16T02:55:00.000-04:002006-05-22T17:54:26.550-04:00

4 a.m. to 5 a.m.5.15.06 The recording, the main focus for about five episodes, was deemed worthless because it was empty. Five episodes down the drain because Miles, the evil mole, used Homeland Security voodoo to erase whatever was on the recording. Actually, according to the episode guide on the 24 website, the Evil Mole used a "black device" that he placed next to the recording. I don't know

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1147159626127677072006-05-09T03:26:00.000-04:002006-05-09T03:27:06.146-04:00

3 a.m. to 4 a.m.5.8.06 I thought he was dead. He took a nose dive off the road and landed upside down, but now Curtis is saying that Papa Heller is alive and recovering.Curtis: "It's good news." No it's not. It’s horrible news. That means the funniest death of the season doesn't even count anymore (it used to rival the CTU security guard taking a big gasp of infected air, saying "we're going to

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1146550360681168002006-05-02T02:10:00.000-04:002006-05-02T02:12:40.696-04:00

2 a.m. to 3 a.m.5.1.06 Karen Hayes, formerly of Homeland Security, has now switched to the underground operation that is CTU 2.0. It's a secretive bunch that has a special handshake, decoder rings, and requires you to lie to everyone you know all the time. This is also the same job description they give to political lobbyists. K Hay has embraced the power of Bauer and is here to help Old Man

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1145952561030974262006-04-25T04:05:00.000-04:002006-04-25T12:24:40.376-04:00

4.24.061 a.m. to 2 a.m. In the past, 24 has taken aim at women, proving to the world through characters like Nina, Sherry, and Kim that they were evil and shouldn't be trusted. Tonight, the show took aim at another demographic that has plagued this land for too long: Senior Citizens. They babble, they know too much about a time you don't care about, and they drive on sidewalks. Since setting up

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1145344862862612412006-04-18T03:19:00.000-04:002006-04-18T03:21:02.876-04:00

Midnight to 1 a.m.4.17.06 It's always hard to get the truth out of people. Sometimes it's because they are embarrassed about what they did or that they simply don't want to tell you about running over your dog…seven times. But in the wee hours of the morning, the truth can be found almost everywhere. Go out one night and stay up past midnight. Once you do, and you're with someone with a secret,

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1144737443949776812006-04-11T02:35:00.000-04:002006-04-11T02:37:23.970-04:00

11 p.m. to Midnight4.10.06 Kids, at least in the world of 24, are utterly useless. They can't shoot guns, they cry all the time, they'll make you hop on one leg, and when you're not looking, they'll call your mortal enemy on the phone and tell them where you are. I'm actually surprised the medics showed up, since 911 operators are to assume all calls from children are merely part of the new game

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1144132303397701102006-04-04T02:30:00.000-04:002006-04-04T02:31:43.420-04:00

10 p.m. to 11 p.m.4.3.06 Crazy shit always happens on this show and the audience is always asked to take some things with a grain of salt. For instance, I can believe that Jack could have braved the inferno in a squad car. I can even believe that he simply walked out of said inferno with nothing more than a dirty face and a half-alive Warlock on his back. But nothing could prepare me for what I

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1143527150201042652006-03-28T01:25:00.000-05:002006-03-28T19:17:52.293-05:00

9 p.m. to 10 p.m.3.27.06 The day had finally come. I waited an entire week, anxious to see Jack torture his ex-girlfriend by yelling and throwing her up against the wall. Aside from the violent behavior, he was acting out every American male's fantasy: yelling. But as always, yelling, though fun, can lead to secrets being exposed. And most of the time those secrets are dirty and gross. In Sheryl

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1142927642585152622006-03-21T02:53:00.000-05:002006-03-21T02:54:02.603-05:00

8 p.m. to 9 p.m.3.20.06 Homeland security has taken over CTU and, in grand government fashion, has done nothing except yell at people and stare aimlessly into the computer screen. They don't even have names. They just bark at you and scream "Homeland Security" like it's supposed to command respect or something. It's actually closer to a punch-line. I hate Homeland Security. I've hated them ever

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1142319413519514782006-03-14T01:55:00.000-05:002006-03-14T01:56:53.533-05:00

7 p.m. to 8 p.m.3.13.06 The rooms have been sealed off and there are dead bodies scattered all over CTU. And just as Scowl-face was crying for the lump that used to be the lovable Edgar, a loud booming voice came over the intercom. Attention. The facility has been contaminated. Please enter one of the three sealed off rooms. I would also like to point out that your co-workers are all drooling

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1141717054305516542006-03-07T02:35:00.000-05:002006-10-10T02:15:43.603-04:00

5 p.m. to 7 p.m.3.6.06 There are a couple of things people hate seeing fat men do. They are, in no particular order, eating, dying, and dancing. Last night, I would have rather seen Edgar doing a jig and stuffing the new 12-inch Subway pastrami sub down his throat, then to see him die at the conclusion of the two-hour deathfest that was 24. I cried for the fat man. He was only checking on hot

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1141107988781698522006-02-28T01:22:00.000-05:002006-02-28T15:48:18.833-05:00

4 p.m. to 5 p.m.2.27.06 Most men hate breaking up with women. We aren't programmed to handle it and would rather act like dicks or assholes to make women dump us instead (this is why video games, porn, and sweatpants were created).Even with a sure-fire way out like she showed up with bad breath or terrorists are threatening to blow up the limo she's in, men will still hesitate to go through with

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1140502459519229332006-02-21T01:12:00.000-05:002006-02-28T01:51:55.966-05:00

3 p.m. to 4 p.m.2.20.06 First, let me pour some wine on the floor of my apartment for Yellow Tie, a determined terrorist whose only flaw was wanting to kill a bunch of Americans at a mall and not wanting to bring Mother Russia to her knees. With a knife to the gut, we have a new bad man who can be classified as a "compassionate terrorist." He kills people, but cares. Just like George W. Bush.

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1139900447071285692006-02-14T02:00:00.000-05:002006-02-28T12:22:01.990-05:00

2 p.m. to 3 p.m.2.13.06 For a couple of weeks now there has been chatter on the Internet that Kim Bauer was to make an appearance on the show. Where is she? Did she get lost? Is she trapped in closet that has been turned around so the doors are facing the wall? And, most importantly, do I care? Maybe KB shows up as a corpse, sending Bauer into an even more frenzied state, allowing for even

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1139295657552686572006-02-07T01:58:00.000-05:002006-02-28T02:00:06.186-05:00

1 p.m. to 2 p.m.2.6.06 Edgar's dreams are coming true. The competition (Spencer, the last boy scout) was played, dumped, and the fired from his job all in a matter of minutes. That's pretty impressive for Chloe, a girl who has finally found out that no man can ever replace the seductive binary code. Why she thought she a man could replace those luscious zeroes and ones is beyond me."Binary code,

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1138692541949015632006-01-31T02:11:00.000-05:002006-02-28T02:01:03.506-05:00

Noon to 1 p.m.1.30.06 There is a special division within the government that allows ordinary citizens to become part of the political process. These people are called interns. Sometimes their job is as simple as getting the coffee or donating bodily organs to Dick Cheney. Other times it's creating a sex scandal so the American public is too interested in the word "blowjob" instead of the word

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1138085357944176442006-01-24T01:48:00.000-05:002006-02-28T02:01:52.920-05:00

11 a.m. to noon1.23.06 You can't use a gun to kill Jack Bauer. At the very least you need a shotgun, a wild boar, and a dancing clown (to scare and confuse him into submission) to even have a shot at taking Bauer down. If not, all you'll do is crack the man's rib and he's lived with a pair of blue balls and electronic clamps on his nipples. I think he'll survive. Spencer was in Internal Affairs,

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1137480969225934802006-01-17T01:53:00.000-05:002006-01-21T03:16:20.936-05:00

9 a.m. to 11 a.m.1.16.06I love Jack Bauer's satchel and I can't wait to see what else he has in that bag of tricks. I'm sure Old Navy will capitalize on it and start selling the Freedom Satchel next fall for $29.99. So far he's procured sunglasses, a camera phone, and a scope. I expect to see ninja stars and maybe a voodoo doll of President Logan soon.Logan still reminds me of Nixon, with his big

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1137431530249521032006-01-16T12:10:00.000-05:002006-01-16T16:02:06.373-05:00

7 a.m. to 10 a.m.1.15.06The three things that had me howling at the television in the first 15 minutes:Palmer getting it in the throatThe car bomb that took out Michelle and will eventually give Tony a speech impedimentChloe had sex.Hey now! How did that happen with Chloe? Has she been on a quest for the past 18 months to get laid? And out of all the guys at CTU, you picked Spencer? He looks

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1116926159054334292005-05-24T05:12:00.000-04:002007-05-03T00:14:56.089-04:00

5 a.m. to 7 a.m.5.23.05The Passion of the Pimp It's not fair for terrorists to look as hot as Mandy, especially when she shows off that thigh holster. If she showed up in my apartment and started to walk around with the thigh holster and then took it off, I'd kill anyone and anything that she wanted. If I ever meet a girl with a thigh holster, I'll be screwed.I was all set to write my proposal

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1116315176576048602005-05-17T03:32:00.000-04:002005-05-17T03:32:56.583-04:00

4 a.m. to 5 a.m.5.16.05 After weeks and weeks of chastising Bitchelle for her evil harpy ways, she has finally crossed over to the pro-Tony side and embraced that lovable gun-toting drunk with open arms (cue the Journey song…now). She can now be called Michelle with affection since she's even willing to leave the only thing she's ever done (besides being a gold-digging whore) for the Tony.

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1115712308540362182005-05-10T04:03:00.000-04:002005-05-10T04:05:08.546-04:00

3 a.m. to 4 a.m.5.9.05 There are only a few actions a man can do to get a woman to forgive him when he does something wrong like trip and fall on her cat or indirectly kill her husband. Saying you're sorry and giving her a hug isn't one of them. Giving her a box of candy and paying her car insurance for a year would have been better. Candy is yummy and car insurance is annoying unless you crash

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1115105582888714362005-05-03T03:32:00.000-04:002005-05-03T03:35:23.866-04:00

2 a.m. to 3 a.m.5.2.05 Watch out America. The terrorists have a warhead. And it's not just any warhead, it's an S-series, which means it was made by BMW and not only can it detonate in 5.4 seconds, but it is also iPod compatible so the bomb can listen to Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire" before it crashes into a building. The Palmer is back and he's already got wimpy Logan to leave to the

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1114497909006779222005-04-26T02:42:00.000-04:002005-04-26T02:50:15.246-04:00

4.25.051 a.m. to 2 a.m."Did Jack do this?" Ah the eternal question around 24. You can tell the Bauer did something when you see the branding on the side of his victims. It's small, but with a magnifying glass you'll be able to read "Beat by Bauer" on it. If he's really pissed at you, he'll put it on your forehead. Poor Audrey is turning more into a mom than a girlfriend these days. You can

Banghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03404382320899806817noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11639840.post-1113896414908308642005-04-19T03:37:00.000-04:002005-04-19T03:40:25.763-04:00

12 a.m. to 1 a.m.4.18.05Marwan has the codes and the locations of the warheads but according to The Bauer, he needs only one to craft his master plan. Had he wanted any more, then he could be considered a legitimate businessman and would have been ever harder to catch since CTU doesn't handle white-collar crimes.Another thing CTU can't handle is a wimpy president who whines over the speakerphone.

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11 p.m. to Midnight4.11.05Every week I suffer a letdown at the beginning of 24, thanks to that stupid asinine warning about graphic violence. Before you only got that warning every once and a while and when you did, you knew some nasty shit was going down. It's so commonplace now that it's lost the excitement it once had. At this point it would be more shocking to see everyone on 24 having a

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