When the entire world lies, the truth will be locked in a man full of rage

24 Season 7 episode 19
2 a.m. to 3 a.m.



Everybody lies. Those who don't are stricken with a bioweapon or killed in a firefight, all because Tony "Climate Change is Real" Al-Queda (thank you to the "Anonymous" commenter from last week's post for that one) wants to sell off a little bit of dementia-causing gas for a shit load of money.

The payoff? He gets to keep his street cred and his badass jacket.

But his mission has come at a price and has claimed the life of Special Agent Larry Moss, along with Tony's love handles on the left side of his body.

Hot Agent Walker, who was gearing up for a 5 a.m. "talk" with the Moss, was informed she had been promoted, which allowed her to issue her first order: someone tell Moss' ex-wife and it can't be me.

Janice: "I'll do it" (looks up with sad dog eyes).

Yes, Janice is the obvious choice here especially since she's so good with people. At this point, did we really need Garofelo on the show? I keep waiting for her to do something and all she gives me is a "Why won't you save the environment?" sad face staring back at me. 24 could have hired a dog to do the same thing.

Moss' ex isn't the only one getting hit in the face with horrible news. Jonas has called his hot blond lawyer to help him out of a jam, only she gets hit in the face with a paralyzing spray and finds out she's being replaced by someone just as pretty who is taller. Ouch.

The lesson? If you're blond and you wear glasses, you're replaceable. Same goes for people who wear jackets that say "FBI" on the back of them.

"You've left us in a difficult position," says the blond to Jonas while he's behind bars. "In fact, you've put everyone in a difficult position."

(wait, I've seen this porno. And incidentally, it ends the same way with the old guy putting something in his mouth and then having a heart attack)

Apparently Jonus' hijinks were too crazy for the faceless "others" to handle, which has caused them to turn to their precious little "bright spot on a dreary day."

Tony, who's treating most of the FBI with the same respect the Navy SEALS has for Somali pirates (read: none), has somehow concocted an impromptu plan to get the bioweapon into the hands of the his buyers. I say impromptu because if they say Tony planned everything that happened today, I'm calling bullshit right now.

There's no way an undercover counter agent who was secretly a terrorist figured out how to manipulate Underground CTU, an African nation and the White House in one night. And if he did, this better have been plan 143 in a list of plans that started with the alphabet.

Bauer, who can't properly debrief himself yet still thinks he can be helpful in the field, follows Hot Agent Walker to the area where Tony's Special Forces Bad Guy is roaming around with a canister of evil.

Sure Bauer's sick, but even with him firing at 50 percent, he's still better than most of the FBI agents on the field combined, especially since they can't notice a blinking red light in an abandoned building in the dark that may have been making a slight "beep" sound.

They are also fooled easily by a distorted walkie, which allows them to believe Tony's inside man about finding the suspect in the apartment building, as well as the detachable finger trick, which just brings them shame a children's birthday parties.

It may be because the FBI isn't allowed to feel. Hot Agent Walker has turned robotic since word of the Moss death hit her and the Asian FBI again who said "Code Yellow" did it without irony. If only they held more Friday bowling nights to get to know each other better they could feel more human.

Walker: "Don't tell me what to feel or how to feel it." Fine. Be dead inside. Oh and now you want me to save the environment too? Psssft!

In what may be the greatest insult, Tony and his Special (Forces) Friend attempt to fool the FBI with its own blood and rub it all over themselves, partly for disguise and partly because human blood just feels good after it hardens on your clothes. I can't tell you how I know that.

The zombie disguise is good enough to get the friend to the ambulance with the package, but not before Bauer, a man who sufferers from debilitating dementia and who must take a shot of drugs to stop from shaking involuntarily, sees through the bloody faces to the lie.

Why is this? Because, unlike the FBI, Bauer feels emotion and his current mood is Angry Rageful Rage, which is only heightened by the fact that he's paralyzed by dementia and shock now that Tony has walked away with this anti-dementia-shake needles.

And, like most of us last week, Bauer will be pissed he wasted so much time trusting Tony and will want to exact his revenge, Cajun style...which is waterboarding, only people think they are drowning in Tobasco.