4 a.m. to 5 a.m.
Bauer, racially profiling you with one hand in his pocket.CTU was up to its racial-profiling tricks again with Bauer checking every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse for a Muslim who may or may not have been a terrorist.
Another great CTU tradition was in effect as well, with Jack telling Chloe something personal and then growling at her to "Go back to work." Interestingly enough, he's already ordered that for his gravestone so when people visit him, they'll know the time they wasted would have been better spent racially profiling terrorists with the CTU servers of hate.
Too soon? Not for Bauer. He's already accepted his fate since his day has revolved around the seven stages of grief: shock ("Why did you call my daughter! That wasn't your call!"), denial ("Whatever you heard Renee, I didn't kill anyone!"), guilt ("I'm so sorry I got you in the middle of this"), anger ("Look at the picture?!?), depression ("I gave up on forgiving myself a long time ago") and acceptance ("There is no treatment. There is no cure. I stick things in my arm to feel better and play racial profiling games to improve my memory.")
And, as always, racial profiling proves that it works and this time was even sanctioned by the liberals (embodied in the pathetic gaze of the Janice). If Janice had her way, the FBI would have a six hour discussion on the best course of action, complete with pie charts and the collected works of Hank Williams playing in the background, only to read about what they should have done in next week's Time Magazine. And then bitch some more.
The servers turned up a 28-year-old Muslim man named Al-Zarian, who has a penchant for early breakfasts and acting like a terrorist when a gun is pointed at his brother's head. Actually, he's a little too good at playing the pissed-off Muslim role. Hmmm...
Everything is an effort to keep his brother safe (who DOES look Puerto Rican...are they even related?) and all Al-Zarian has to do is read a script from Evil Tony Almeida and pose for a home-made video.
We're starting to get more clues about the very bad things Tony did as a low-level criminal. Videotaping the Muslims...for shame Tony. For. Shame.
Though it may be a bad day for the brother of a would-be Muslim terrorist (who has yet to get breakfast by the way), it is perhaps worse for Chief of Leakage Olivia Taylor who is just as good at spilling the beans as she is at spreading her legs for unethical journalists in the mood to bump uglies late at night.
For $250,000 she can put away Jonas Hodges, the man she blames for the terrorists attacks, the murder of her brother and that time in the 6th grade when everyone laughed when she farted (whenever gas is used, Hodges is involved).
However, from her dramatic mouse scroll away from the "EXECUTE" button (what system allows double-meaning buttons on their system? It can't be Vista, unless that's Latin for suck and blow), we see Olivia does have a conscience and eventually rejects the payment to off the old man who is being set up with a new identity, torn away from his family and brought to a place where presumably no one will know his name.
If Hodges was a science teacher being crushed with a huge mortgage and in a loveless marriage, he'd be living the American dream.
But he's not. He's a powerful man who has built his name into someone who can smell attitude and throws files at closing doors.
Now he'll be Robert Tippit, an avid bowler who is affectionately called Beard Sauce by his friends because he likes to stroke his beard for the sauce that fell there while he was eating hot wings. He also likes exploding in cars.
Goodbye Hodges. I was going to post a picture of a surprised Jon Voight out of respect, but after googling "Hodges" I found this instead and was distracted for a good two minutes and forgot all about you. Then I found her MySpace page and remembered why I don't bother with my account on there anymore.
As for Olivia, she has found she's good at politically sabotaging herself as well and has the beginnings of a government cover-up on her hands. Do I care? Hardly.
How will Hodges face judgement in the next life? He'll be a beard covering the double chin of a female circus performer from Russia. That's right, Karma is ice cold.
Karma has also found a way to knock Jack down a couple of steps from the Grief scale by helping Chloe determine that the timestamps on the terrorist websites on Al-Zarian's computer were fake.
Rage ensues once more, with Bauer lamenting that he should have known an innocent man would be easier to control than an actual terrorist. Why? Because an innocent man is completely willing to buy into the terrorist health plan, which looks pretty attractive these days given the state of the current health care industry.
Bauer finds the staging area for Tony's Muslims Gone Wild video shoot, but is too late and can only witness a Puerto Rican-looking dude engaging in a personal jihad to some guy's throat.
The good news? Since learning that Bauer is on a suicide mission to save the world, America's 24-hour hero has finally received the respect and adoration of a Muslim leader.
The bad news? The attack is targeting a subway, which is probably meant to disrupt the morning commute in an effort to create an army of William Fosters, who will be a group of ordinary men at war with the everyday world (also known as journalists...Boston journalists to be exact).
The worse news? The war on climate change has a week off because of the absence of a 24 PSA on global warming.
