While He Was Bauering...

24 Episode 8 & 9
6.16.14/6.23.14
6 p.m. - 8 p.m.

I'm glad I missed writing about last week. I would have spend 200 words talking about Alzhiemer's and how the show was telling us the only cure was to be nailed in the head with a drone. I would have gone on about how all old men just want to die alone in a stadium as they stand confused in the middle.

Thankfully, I didn't make an ass out of myself since the very next episode just discredited everything we just saw and exposed this season of 24 as a ridiculous romantic dramady.

How do you win back your ex who's now married to Tate Donovan? You create a crazy plan where it looks like you and Tate Donovan conspire to kill your ex's dad. Only in the end you didn't really and now Tate Donovan has that stupid confused Tate Donovan face on because you just shit all over his life.

Let's forget the fact that, somehow, the president was able to run away from the blast thanks to the stadium's video feed being hacked by Chloe from a pub with apparently the strongest Wi-Fi in the world. Actually the Wi-Fi is the most silly part of the whole thing. I've been in bars with Wi-Fi. It's like having a dial-up modem.

Oh and Jordan Reed is dead. The tech guy. Who had a gun but didn't shoot in time. Totally dead.

So yea, there was a doctored video feed. And somehow in the final 4 minutes before the drone missile hit, Jack called the president back in time. And they avoid the blast. And now Audrey's lady feelings are strong and hard for the Bauer.

You know who misses Lady Feelings? Margot. Everyone just leaves her and her only plan to make people stay is to threaten them with violence. Even her husband decided going toe-to-toe with a drone would be better than dealing with her incoherent threats whenever he chose not to wash the dishes.

BTW, let's consider Bauer taking the electrical cables and Batmanning through the window. And then hucking people out the window with no consideration for due process. Apparently that presidential pardon has gotten to his head. He can even tell the CIA he has someone in custody and then isn't asked to explain why said person who was in custody is now a pancake in the parking lot.

Jordan Reed. Still dead.

Finally, the true evil has revealed itself in the Override Device and it has been determined that it can get people into any security system, including the diaries of teenage girls. And now Chloe's old boss, the dude from the Crow, wants it. For what he won't say. Because he's the middle man and he compensates other people well.

He's made Navarro, head of the CIA office in London, find a way to run off with the OD thanks to a poorly timed phone call from Audrey. Somehow, she always knows the worst possible time to do anything.

"You said if I needed to disappear, you would make that happen."

Navarro. You are head of the CIA. The first lesson in the CIA is that you don't talk about the CIA. The entire agency is built on the idea of secrets and spying. You're fucking telling me you need someone else to get you out of the country? You don't have a go-bag? You don't have a storage locker with a secret identity? Fail. Big massive fail. I hope you trip as you're trying to literally run away. You probably graduate in the same class as the CIA security guard who goes down with one punch.

And Jordan Reed is still dead and no one knows how to access his computer. Send help. And cookies.