12 p.m. to 1 p.m.1.24.05The first ten minutes...
I want fox studios to open a theme park where this entire infiltration is simulated with laser tag guns. I would do that instead of going to the gym. I'd probably get my aggression out easier too.
Man, that whole scene with Jack shooting everyone in the room...kickass. Wait, did he just dodge machine gun bullets? What the hell?
What was even better was Heller getting a pistol and shooting people down. That's totally going to be Bauer on 24: day 20, the White House.
And let me introduce to you the two founding members of the Department of Infiltration Affairs. They will be headed by Bauer and Heller and be dispatched to various corners of the globe to finish a job an army couldn't get to on time. The UN is trying to get them into Iraq to clean up, but Heller was quoted saying "Words will never be able to express what I'm feeling right now...but let me start with this. Screw Iraq."
It's nice to see the relationship drama return to the CTU with Audrey's husband coming in to grovel and throw suspecting looks around the office. Maybe he's pissed off because he looks like Topher Grace (skinny kid from That 70's show) after a botched plastic surgery job he had to get when he got in a fight with a 300-pound fat man named Bubba. And on top of that, he has to compete with the Bauer, though he's probably pissed that Audrey got him before he had a chance.
Contents of Briefcase: It wasn't a set of army-issued Legos. Complete let down.
What? Heller has a son? Oh yea, that environmentalist freak. It's nice that they got the "good to see you're alive" conversatoin out of the way before Pops decided to get into the third degree. And then ordering the torture of his son. He just got to run around with a gun shooting at minorities and is now torturing his son. He's living the American dream.
Secret the kid's hiding: he likes going to musicals...and singing along.
I shudder to think what my life would be like if my dad could order torture like Chinese food.
And speaking of sadistic dads, what's up with sending a babysitter with Baruz? When I buried my first body, my dad gave me the shovel and directions to his favorite burying spot (it was also his favorite pee spot in the back yard for the days he needed to "air out") Then again, I was man enough to kill my girlfriend at the time. (ah the legal joys of being under 18).
Though having your son killed because he's messing up your plan to screw with the world is a little harsh. I'm proud Baruz was smart enough to figure out that a man pulling a gun out of a trunk qualifies under "suspicious." Too bad he wasn't too quick to figure out that terrorist was wrong and that blowing up nuclean power plants may not be the best way to say "Hey, this place blows." He and white she-devil could be having children by now. Or at least be able to make-out a lot on the couch while watching Twister.
Sly move by making the guy drink some water and they cocking him on the side of the head with the shovel. He's legendary now and will forever be known as shovel man. No, no, shovel boy. Once he loses his virginity, he'll be a man. I bet this was how Bauer got his start as a kid, blugeoning a poor bastard with a shovel and screaming "Who's trying to kill me!" I was glad he stayed with the shovel instead of picking up the pistol. It makes the death that more horrifying for the reciever.
So there's a mole at CTU and she's cock-teasing Curtis. You all saw him smile after she said "I slept with you because I was attracted to you. And I still am." as she gave me the universal "do me in the closet" glance that I get every day...from the homeless.
Wait, is she a mole? Maybe this is another way of getting promoted by being undercover without people knowing. I can't imagine who would do such a risky and crazy...oh wait (reference to season 3 and more crazy Bauer heroics).
The terrorists would have had more success flooding the Internet if they released sex tape of a celebrity. That's their problem. There aren't a lot of people who would actually watch a murder online. But everyone likes some good old fashioned raunchy sex. In fact, they could have just left it on all day in loops and would probably be able to take over the country by 5 p.m.
Prediction: One of the nuclear power plants will meltdown and it will be the one in Arizona because if a state is going to be screwed up, it may as well be one that no one cares about.
Bauer was shot! Is this forshadowing? Is the Bauer going to die? And C'mon, doesn't it take at least a minute to regain your composure after a bullet hits you in the chest, even if you're wearing kevlar?
Bauer tip #29 Always give your girlfriend a cool knife.
Chucking that knife into that guy's head was awesome. The only thing missing is for Bauer to start wearing an "I AM the American Dream" t-shirt as he shoots people up.
11 a.m. to 12 p.m.1.17.05A moment of silence for the dear Chloe who's seemingly last words were "You're a geek...but I guess you're a good guy. Don't change." I think someone wrote that to me when i graduated high school...We'll miss your wrinkled pink shirt and your condescending manner. BTW, i'm going to end all my insults with "amateur" now. It gives it that extra kick in the balls that every insult needs. Watch.
"Hey, the next time you try to talk to me, take a breath and think about what the hell you say to me first...AMATEUR!"
The smooth terrorist guy with the earring really had the worst day out of anyone so far. Not only does he get emasculated by Jack when he failed to spray him with bug spray, but he honks at car that has a large black man with threatening spiky hair. Terrorist guy should get an Emmy for the best "Oh shit he's black!" look on television. That was priceless.
Kudos to blowing himself up in style too. Other terrorists would go the selfish route and start yelling "HELL no! I saved a primo seat for the execution and i'll be damned if that rookie from Baghdad is gonna take my spot!" But no, he was noble and made his final act in the world of 24 a big "screw you" to the Bauer.
The Deputy of Pain is now an honorary Bauer. He's the man Bauer is going to be assuming he makes it to 60. "Dammit! get the chain over my neck and kill me! DO IT NOW!" Only a man with Bauer blood would order his own daughter to kill him and others. I heard there was scene they cut though.
Sheryl Crow: Dad...i'm sorry i couldn't kill you.
Deputy of Pain: That's ok sweetie.
SC: (sniffs) Dad...did you just fart?
DP: Yea...sorry baby. I had a breakfast burrito this morning. With extra sauce. I've embarrassed my country...again.
Sadly, that exchange was changed to the "gas leak" scene we saw last nite. Obviously, the original intent was kept intact. People were gonna die from gaseous fumes. This theme is echoed when the terrorist smell the leak later on.
"Gas....I smell gas...HELLER!"
Hooray for Edgar for sticking it to Sassy Spice by saying "just because you overheard that conversation with my and Chloe doesn't mean i'm your bitch." Again, the man needs to eat soon. He looks hungry.
Crazy daughter really freaks me out. Maybe she has a numeric code hidden in her psyche and they bring in the famous psychiatrist Michael Douglas to come in to dig it out of her, forcing her to say the eery "I'll never teeeelll" as she quietly gets crazier.
Bazra (or whatever the terrorist son's name is) all of a sudden got smooth with the lie about his cell phone. And his dad is STILL not impressed! What's this kid got to do? Mastermind his OWN attack on the United States? Actually kill someone (for real)? He's just 15 so pops, give the kid a break. You're lucky he can talk to girls and help cover up their death at this point without whining "Fine, but there is NO WAY i'm taking the garbage out tonight. That's all yours old man."
This week's speculation on the contents of the briefcase: glass animal figurines. "I was afraid it broke in the train crash." You should be. They are pretty delicate."
I don't think terrorist mom blinks. I think she's a robot too. It's funny how she's the one the men approach to fix problems. Maybe she'll kill her family and demand the US government for a lifetime supply of Botox and a new set of eyes, preferably ones that won't conjure up the adjective "freak."
I have a new 24 game. Everytime Jack disobeys an order, you drink (beer, vodka, cough syrup, whatever you have lying around) Everytime Jack gives an order, you eat a taco. Everytime Jack obeys an order, you do ten jumping jacks. Try it, it's fun. I really wanted a taco tonight...can you tell?
Jack just found a regular Friday night girl and now the US government wants to take her away from him. Those bastards. It's one thing to mess with Jack's family in past seasons, but to screw with a man's sex life is unforgivable. Screw the precision missles. I heard their only precise 20 percent of the time and it entirely depends on their "mood."
Is everyone at CTU clueless? Why does Jack always seem to come up with the good ideas? No one thought to check for the heat readings or anything? I mean there are like 30 damn people there and half of them seem to busy with either casting dirty looks or updating MySpace profile...Perhaps this was what the Homeland Security main office was like.
Tom Ridge: "DOES anyone have a reading on there whereabouts of my burger? Anyone? I'm gonna raise this to level Red because I am FUCKING STARVING!"
For the first time in 24, Bauer couldn't talk to the president. That was sad and made me long for the days when Palmer was...WAIT! There he is doing those damn ALL STATE commercials. That damn tease. He better show up with his own ski mask and a shotgun.
I'm looking forward to Jack killing everyone and then shooting down the missles with a pistol next week. Seems crazy, but somehow Jack will make it happen. Though I fear what this shocking event is going to be...Will we be saying goodbye to Sheryl Crow? Boo Hoo...the first cut really IS the deepest. (one tear)
One would think this country would have learned already about pre-emptive strikes on people. They always end badly and some fat bastard with a video camera will make a documentary about all your mistakes. Fools.
9 a.m. to 11 a.m.1.11.05A great big thank you to the girls who pointed out just how ugly Chloe's shirt is and how it needs a necklace...now i'm obsessed with the wrinkles and am wondering if she's wearing it backwards or if she (like me) hardly irons.
It is nice to see Chloe joining the Bauer squad and I like how she got fat Edgar to join the fun. He looks hungry though. I hope they feed him soon.
And hot damn, who knew the Secretary of Defense was going to turn into the Deputy of Death. That was some fancy moving with the rifle. He's got some of the best lines so far too. It's too bad his daughter didn't pick up the pistol and start shooting too...and she calls herself the woman of Bauer. She better man up or start singing "Are you strong enough to be my man" to the terrorists because as of now she's pretty useless.
And speaking of women, what's up with the terrorist son and his inability to shoot the she-devil? Terrorist mom seems pretty mystical now. I bet she saw into the future and witnessed the pain and anguish the she-devil would impose on her son. How she, say, had him move to another state and then dumped his ass forcing him to get an apartment on his own and then...wait, i'm digressing. Slick move with putting the poison in the tea, which only strengthens my desire to never drink wierd tea.
(sidenote: what kind of relationship did these two have when hiim saying "You have to leave, you're not safe here" gets the reactionary comment of "God! You say that all the time!")
Terrorist pops is hanging out in a cafe? what the hell? way to keep a low profile pal. Why don't you just stand in the street with the rest of the bums and hold a sign that says "Help fund terrorism...let me wash your windshield." Maybe that cafe has a really strong Internet connection where pops can check his terrorist fantasy league.
Weekly speculation on the contents of the briefcase: An undisclosed amount of unwrapped Mentos because "The Freshmaker" has yet to hit the soil of Turkey.
Aisha Tyler...ah how i've missed you since you were last seen on Friends. This is a definete upgrade and it's nice to see some sass back at CTU. Why she has a hard-on for Edgar is beyond me...maybe she's hungry too....FOR LOVE. (she's gotta make Curtis jealous and Edgar is the right sort of man for that situation).
So the Demonic Driscoll has a crazy kid eh? So there goes my theory that she's really a man...then again, she could have adopted..hmmm. The kid thing was pretty random and I'm not sure what the point of it was. Perhaps the writers felt they were making her too manish and robotic. Doesn't matter..she still sucks ass.
The environmentalist son stuck in the torture room with the silver shades and crappy music was funny. I bet they were playing the new Hilary Duff album. That shit will drive you insane (sorry Newbury. She's kinda cute but she can't sing). And i enjoyed him yelping that "THis is ILLEGGGALLL!!!" I heard that was the mantra for the detainees in Gitmo and that didn't help them either. I was waiting for him to start saying "Don't you know hero?" a la Donnie Wahlberg in the 6th sense...maybe next week.
The Bauer: he's even a kick ass criminal. Most cops would have fucked it up, but no, not Jack. He even foiled fancy-pants bad guy with the earing when he tried to kill him with bug spray. Fool. CTU teaches their agents to withstand all forms of torture. Now, if he started to sing a Hilary Duff song, then maybe Jack would have surrendered.
But, as many pointed out, why the hell he didn't slash the tires to buy time is beyond me. Perhaps this is his form of a mid-life crisis. Most men want to buy new expensive cars or date a cheerleader. Bauer just wanted to rob a place to see if he could.
He must have felt really dumb when the fuzz showed up at the end. Didn't he expect that they were gonna tail him? It was also kinda cool how he considered picking up the gun and taking out all the cops. Jack's getting soft. He could have taken them all out and been on the phone yelling "No you're wrong and you know it" to everyone at CTU.
7 a.m. to 9 a.m.1.9.05Firstly, I was in LA for a press junket this weekend. When i realized i wasn't gonna be back till 9:30 pm on sunday, i had the airline change my flight so i wouldn't miss 24. When i finally did arrive, God felt it necessary to delay my plane 40 minutes, leaving enough time for me to miss the first 30 minutes of the first episode. Listen closely..you can hear Him laughing at me. (yes, i stole a Four Seasons robe...sue me). Thanks to a frantic call to my sister and the episode recap before the second episode, i've been completely debriefed (haha! I'm using CTU talk).
Hot damn for Jack getting the Sheryl Crow look-a-like for a girlfriend (upgrade!). Sucks that she's kidnapped along with her dad who has an uncanny knack of being a little too optismitic for his own good ("honey, there's no reason for them to kill you" "We're gonna get rescued! Say it with me! No more bad thoughts! Click your red slippers baby, we'll be home soon!!") Doesn't he know he's not on Knot's Landing anymore?
Yea Chloe's back and she apparently discovered make-up since the last season. She looks less like a potato and more like a painted doll. Strangely enough, the writers have passed the annoying torch to the robotic poor-man's Lorraine Bracco. It's a shame she's suffereing from Bauer envy, which is ten times worse than your garden varitey penis envy.
The new CTU staff. Ok Curtis (smooth black man) is boring. They all seem like robots and void of any personality. It just makes me miss Tony and Michelle (to the newbies, they were old characters from the past that, er,aren't around anymore) And the girl (she looks like a cheerleader) is...eh, that's how boring they are. I can't even think of anything about them to yell about.
Fat hacker guy with the NYC accent is awesome. I want to see an episode where he tracks a terrorist, talks to Jack and eats a five foot-long hero sub simutaneously. That guy deserves his own show. It could be the spin off of 24 where a man has to eat 24 food items in 24 minutes. I'm calling Fox right now.
The hippie hacker guy is pretty weak. I'm not surprised he's friends with Chloe. Mayhap he was more than just a friend in college, eh? Yea I grossed myself out there.
(side note: NO MORE LATE FEES AT BLOCKBUSTER!)
Ok i'm sorry, but terrorist mom is really hot. I don't care what you think, I can't help the way I feel. It's a shame the brillo-head son got caught up in America's best defense against terrorism, the white she-devil. She'll fall in love with you and then fuck up your evil deeds. And you know what? You'll still forgive her and buy her some flowers. (if anything I must have flowers always). That's how we get them. If we just opened a Hooters in Baghdad, maybe the world would be safer.
So who do I think the terrorists are? I think they are Nadar supporters who are tired of waiting for politicians to help the environment. They are smooth criminals (yes, i'm listening to the song and so should you) with a green agenda. What's in the briefcase? Tree seeds. Millions and millions of tree seeds....and a water gun.
I'm glad to see that Ronnie guy or whatever his name was is already dead. He looked like an ostrich and was only getting in the way of Jack's Baurerness. He also tried to be Bauer's friend. Fatal flaw #1= Bauer needs no friends.
Which brings me to the man we all know and love. I like how after he tries to do everything by the book, he looks at his watch and then starts walking toward the interrogation room, as if symbolically saying "It's Bauer time" (you could tell it was badass time because the music started to get epic). Even more impressive was his manhandling of that damn dirty table in the way of the truth. And who knew that the part of the body that makes us lie is a small bullet-hole spot on our right thigh?
Yea that Ronnie guy didn't know how to yell properly. As always, the characters in this show try to be Jack and then fail miserably.
BTW: best quote of the night was "Don't give me your 6th grade Michael Moore logic!"
