Dad's are Mean

12 p.m. to 1 p.m.
1.24.05

The first ten minutes...

I want fox studios to open a theme park where this entire infiltration is simulated with laser tag guns. I would do that instead of going to the gym. I'd probably get my aggression out easier too.

Man, that whole scene with Jack shooting everyone in the room...kickass. Wait, did he just dodge machine gun bullets? What the hell?

What was even better was Heller getting a pistol and shooting people down. That's totally going to be Bauer on 24: day 20, the White House.

And let me introduce to you the two founding members of the Department of Infiltration Affairs. They will be headed by Bauer and Heller and be dispatched to various corners of the globe to finish a job an army couldn't get to on time. The UN is trying to get them into Iraq to clean up, but Heller was quoted saying "Words will never be able to express what I'm feeling right now...but let me start with this. Screw Iraq."

It's nice to see the relationship drama return to the CTU with Audrey's husband coming in to grovel and throw suspecting looks around the office. Maybe he's pissed off because he looks like Topher Grace (skinny kid from That 70's show) after a botched plastic surgery job he had to get when he got in a fight with a 300-pound fat man named Bubba. And on top of that, he has to compete with the Bauer, though he's probably pissed that Audrey got him before he had a chance.

Contents of Briefcase: It wasn't a set of army-issued Legos. Complete let down.

What? Heller has a son? Oh yea, that environmentalist freak. It's nice that they got the "good to see you're alive" conversatoin out of the way before Pops decided to get into the third degree. And then ordering the torture of his son. He just got to run around with a gun shooting at minorities and is now torturing his son. He's living the American dream.

Secret the kid's hiding: he likes going to musicals...and singing along.

I shudder to think what my life would be like if my dad could order torture like Chinese food.

And speaking of sadistic dads, what's up with sending a babysitter with Baruz? When I buried my first body, my dad gave me the shovel and directions to his favorite burying spot (it was also his favorite pee spot in the back yard for the days he needed to "air out") Then again, I was man enough to kill my girlfriend at the time. (ah the legal joys of being under 18).

Though having your son killed because he's messing up your plan to screw with the world is a little harsh. I'm proud Baruz was smart enough to figure out that a man pulling a gun out of a trunk qualifies under "suspicious." Too bad he wasn't too quick to figure out that terrorist was wrong and that blowing up nuclean power plants may not be the best way to say "Hey, this place blows." He and white she-devil could be having children by now. Or at least be able to make-out a lot on the couch while watching Twister.

Sly move by making the guy drink some water and they cocking him on the side of the head with the shovel. He's legendary now and will forever be known as shovel man. No, no, shovel boy. Once he loses his virginity, he'll be a man. I bet this was how Bauer got his start as a kid, blugeoning a poor bastard with a shovel and screaming "Who's trying to kill me!" I was glad he stayed with the shovel instead of picking up the pistol. It makes the death that more horrifying for the reciever.

So there's a mole at CTU and she's cock-teasing Curtis. You all saw him smile after she said "I slept with you because I was attracted to you. And I still am." as she gave me the universal "do me in the closet" glance that I get every day...from the homeless.

Wait, is she a mole? Maybe this is another way of getting promoted by being undercover without people knowing. I can't imagine who would do such a risky and crazy...oh wait (reference to season 3 and more crazy Bauer heroics).

The terrorists would have had more success flooding the Internet if they released sex tape of a celebrity. That's their problem. There aren't a lot of people who would actually watch a murder online. But everyone likes some good old fashioned raunchy sex. In fact, they could have just left it on all day in loops and would probably be able to take over the country by 5 p.m.

Prediction: One of the nuclear power plants will meltdown and it will be the one in Arizona because if a state is going to be screwed up, it may as well be one that no one cares about.

Bauer was shot! Is this forshadowing? Is the Bauer going to die? And C'mon, doesn't it take at least a minute to regain your composure after a bullet hits you in the chest, even if you're wearing kevlar?

Bauer tip #29 Always give your girlfriend a cool knife.

Chucking that knife into that guy's head was awesome. The only thing missing is for Bauer to start wearing an "I AM the American Dream" t-shirt as he shoots people up.