I fought the law and...

9 a.m. to 11 a.m.
1.11.05

A great big thank you to the girls who pointed out just how ugly Chloe's shirt is and how it needs a necklace...now i'm obsessed with the wrinkles and am wondering if she's wearing it backwards or if she (like me) hardly irons.

It is nice to see Chloe joining the Bauer squad and I like how she got fat Edgar to join the fun. He looks hungry though. I hope they feed him soon.

And hot damn, who knew the Secretary of Defense was going to turn into the Deputy of Death. That was some fancy moving with the rifle. He's got some of the best lines so far too. It's too bad his daughter didn't pick up the pistol and start shooting too...and she calls herself the woman of Bauer. She better man up or start singing "Are you strong enough to be my man" to the terrorists because as of now she's pretty useless.

And speaking of women, what's up with the terrorist son and his inability to shoot the she-devil? Terrorist mom seems pretty mystical now. I bet she saw into the future and witnessed the pain and anguish the she-devil would impose on her son. How she, say, had him move to another state and then dumped his ass forcing him to get an apartment on his own and then...wait, i'm digressing. Slick move with putting the poison in the tea, which only strengthens my desire to never drink wierd tea.

(sidenote: what kind of relationship did these two have when hiim saying "You have to leave, you're not safe here" gets the reactionary comment of "God! You say that all the time!")

Terrorist pops is hanging out in a cafe? what the hell? way to keep a low profile pal. Why don't you just stand in the street with the rest of the bums and hold a sign that says "Help fund terrorism...let me wash your windshield." Maybe that cafe has a really strong Internet connection where pops can check his terrorist fantasy league.

Weekly speculation on the contents of the briefcase: An undisclosed amount of unwrapped Mentos because "The Freshmaker" has yet to hit the soil of Turkey.

Aisha Tyler...ah how i've missed you since you were last seen on Friends. This is a definete upgrade and it's nice to see some sass back at CTU. Why she has a hard-on for Edgar is beyond me...maybe she's hungry too....FOR LOVE. (she's gotta make Curtis jealous and Edgar is the right sort of man for that situation).

So the Demonic Driscoll has a crazy kid eh? So there goes my theory that she's really a man...then again, she could have adopted..hmmm. The kid thing was pretty random and I'm not sure what the point of it was. Perhaps the writers felt they were making her too manish and robotic. Doesn't matter..she still sucks ass.

The environmentalist son stuck in the torture room with the silver shades and crappy music was funny. I bet they were playing the new Hilary Duff album. That shit will drive you insane (sorry Newbury. She's kinda cute but she can't sing). And i enjoyed him yelping that "THis is ILLEGGGALLL!!!" I heard that was the mantra for the detainees in Gitmo and that didn't help them either. I was waiting for him to start saying "Don't you know hero?" a la Donnie Wahlberg in the 6th sense...maybe next week.

The Bauer: he's even a kick ass criminal. Most cops would have fucked it up, but no, not Jack. He even foiled fancy-pants bad guy with the earing when he tried to kill him with bug spray. Fool. CTU teaches their agents to withstand all forms of torture. Now, if he started to sing a Hilary Duff song, then maybe Jack would have surrendered.

But, as many pointed out, why the hell he didn't slash the tires to buy time is beyond me. Perhaps this is his form of a mid-life crisis. Most men want to buy new expensive cars or date a cheerleader. Bauer just wanted to rob a place to see if he could.

He must have felt really dumb when the fuzz showed up at the end. Didn't he expect that they were gonna tail him? It was also kinda cool how he considered picking up the gun and taking out all the cops. Jack's getting soft. He could have taken them all out and been on the phone yelling "No you're wrong and you know it" to everyone at CTU.