"Actually, I'm unemployed"

2 p.m. to 3 p.m.
2.7.05

Tony had the best lines and it's probably so new people can warm up to him. We'll see him scrowl when he sees Michelle (the ex wife) for the first time...which leads to...

SHE LEFT HIM!?!!!

Oh wait he has a drinking problem, though I see nothing wrong with opening a beer at 2 in the afternoon to watch spanish soccer. I wish Tony was playing quarters by himself or waiting for the guy to yell "GOOOOOOOAAAALLLLL!!!" so he could chug his entire beer. And it's nice to see the Cub's mug back into play. That was for all the 24 dorks from season one.

And what's this about President Palmer and Jack getting Tony out of prison? I hope it was a smash and grab job where Palmer had to take out a couple of guards while screaming "Allstate can't help you now!"

(the actor that plays Palmer is the same guy who does those annoying Allstate commercials)

I hope Michelle is dating some loser enraging Tony even more and allowing him to say "I saved your ass and went to prison so you could date this doofus?" Better yet, maybe Michelle's gay now because no man could replace Tony. A woman on the other hand...

Prediction: Tony will get his job back...as Michelle's office boy toy.

Edgar is by far my favorite character now with his rolly-polly ways. I liked his little shuffle as he was trying to run away from Maryanne. Though I'm surprised she didn't just point him in another direction. He was already moving and it would have been hard for him to stop on a dime and change direction. He would have ended up on his back with all four limbs in the air, like a confused turtle.

I am now waiting for Edgar to body-slam someone into a wall. He may be stout, but the boy's got some muscle under that frame. But don't worry Sarah, he's a teddybear after that.

The Jack and Audrey romance is over...It's all about Edgar and Sarah now. (cue "Hungry Eyes" from Dirty Dancing...One look at you and I can't disguise i got...) By the way, your welcome for getting that song stuck in your head for the entire day.

CTU gets an F- for torture so far. They have yet to inflict one ounce of successful torture. In fact, Jack has been the only one who has successfully extracted any information out of someone and it was only because he shot some fool in the leg. Less torture. More shooting in legs.

Finally, Curtis gets some action and he gets to arrest his ex-girlfriend, every scorned man's dream. He also gets the best "What the..." face award for his reaction after Maryanne was knocked out from the explosion of her car. Curtis looked like he had never seen a car blow up before, as if to say "I didn't know those buttons could make the car explode! I'm glad I ride a bike."

Poor Sarah stuck in the torture chamber. Maybe the shocks to her system will get her brain going and she'll be smarter. Let's hope anyway because her "But Miss DRISSCCOOOLL!!" yelping wasn't winning her any brownie or style points.

I think we now know the truth about Terrorist Dad. He's gay and is all about his boss. (Hmm apparently there is a homosexual theme today for some reason. I wonder if that means I'm...NO WAIT!) Today wasn't about terrorism. It was about the universal language of love. Did you not see the longing in his eyes when he said "I promise you that by the end of the day, my wife and son will be dead"? He wants to live the Terrorist version of the American Dream: kill your loving family and nail your boss up against a wall.

And speaking of bad and sexy Muslims, the Jack Bauer (he tried to play it off that his name was Kiefer or some shit like that) PSA about Muslims being our friends was awesome. Though it would have been more effective if they were playing "We Are the World" in the background and ended with an uncomfortable handshake with Jack and Barooz.

(This apparently was in response to the enormous amount of mail FOX got from Muslim groups about the portrayal of a Muslim family being a terrorist cell in the US. I'm going to try to provoke my own PSA by writing a letter a day to FOX saying I don't appreciate the way Chinese people are portrayed on 24 until they make Bauer do another PSA about a character that doesn't even exist).

"BBBAAAAAAHHHHHHHHRRRROOOOOOZZZ!!!"

That's mom again. She's moved on from screaming "TONY!" to yelling Barooz in one long shrielk into the phone which inevitably ends in a howl.

Barooz, AKA Oedipus, is now living the teenage American Dream: disowning your father and driving your bullet-wounded mother to the emergency room, only to avert trained police officers with a quick throw-shirt-over-bloody-part manuver he no doubt saw on an old MacGyver episode. Next up? A stop at Disneyland because no one looks for criminals there.

Who's this crazy chic Jen who lives with the Tony? Can't he just live with a dog or something? Does he really need a roommate for the cheaper rent? He's only drinking Bud and, besides his computer, doesn't seem to have anything fancy. Well, there was that haircut and jacket. And how does an ex-convict from FEDERAL prison have a pistol at his house?

BTW, my new hobby will be busting into people's homes with a gun and demanding to use their computer. "I need mapquest, AOL IM, and a funny picture of a lion roaring on your screen NOW!"

And what's Audrey doing telling Jen that she would have his boss killed? All of a sudden she has a sense of humor? It must be from all the running around and high stress from the day. I liked her sexy pose on the couch. If this day ever ends, Bauer is gonna get sooooo lucky.

Sheryl Crow song for this episode: "All I wanna do, is have some fun."

Sweet ass ending, especially for an episode that was full of laughs. The white stooge is dead and I barely knew his name. One tear.

Speculation on who the sniper is
a. Chloe (she was planning to quit CTU to become a hired assassin)
b. Driscoll's schitzo kid (she's sane when she holds a gun)
c. Edgar's evil twin, setting up a rolly-polly-royal-rumble for the final episode
d. a Muslim...a damn dirty Muslim (this proves PSAs accomplish NOTHING)

I love how Tony drank a beer and then was all ready to bust out his gun and do some damage. It would have been better if he was trashed. Then next week's PSA would be Tony saying

"I know it looked pretty badass with me drinking a beer and then running around with a gun. And, truth be told, it was. We here at 24 just want you to remember that not all Musilims are bad. Some of them are our friends, while others are our enemies. But once you buy this new 24 Muslim decorder from me for a mere $24.95, you'll be able to tell the difference. And the world, mine and yours, will be a safer place."

I heard Bush already ordered the first box.