2.15.2005

An Offbook Conversation

3 p.m. to 4 p.m.
2/14/05

And here I thought I wasn't going to cry on Valentine's Day.

Edgar's mom! That was gut-wrenchingly heartbreaking. It was even worse when you saw she was still alive at the end of the episode. I guess they are gonna milk all the tears they can. Maybe Edgar will pass the phone around CTU so his mom can say how proud she and her husband are of everyone. It's the opposite of a drunk call at 2 a.m., though it still ends with everyone in tears.

And heed Edgar's words. Be rich or a politician because those are the only people the National Guard or police care about. So attractiveness, fame, and talent have gone out the window. Either win the lottery or hire Karl Rove (I hear he's up for an even BIGGER challange and it will be a reality show called "Extreme Makeover: an American President").

Terrorist mom's sister is cheating on her husband with a half-naked white guy that speaks with a slight southern drawl? After Terrorist Dad threw him back in the room he probably sat down and added a lyric to the ever-expanding "Friends in Low Places" by Garth Brooks.

"I was having some fun, you came with a gun, and ruined my dirty affair. With the sound of a thud, and no Muslim blood, I was the last one you thought you'd see there..."

And you have to be doing something really foul to have someone who is willing to kill millions, his wife and his son to be disgusted by you. "You cheated? Jeez, you're horrible. I wish they would send people like you to Gitmo."

Begging for drugs at the hospital never works, especially when you're 17, sweating, and possess a brillohead that for some reason looked extra poofy this time. Maybe they wanted him to look high. He definitely ran like he was high.

After the PSA's last week, it's nice to see the show bring forth another Muslim stereotype to the forefront. So far, we have the terrorist and the doctor. A trip to the local 7-11 to visit Barooz's cousin Raheeb for a round of raspberry slurpees should complete the trifecta.

That was pretty silly for Barooz to start yelling "We've killed people!" right in the middle of the hospital. That's druggie talk and once you do that, they NEVER give you drugs. In fact, he should have walked in their holding his ass and just whimpered "I need something for the pain." No one would have questioned it because everyone would be too busy laughing.

Nice entrance by Terrorist Dad in the hallway, a la Terminator 2. Though he's got to feel really bad now that his son just told him to go to hell. That was just mean and he probably brought him to the basement so they could talk about their feelings about each other. Maybe next week Dr. Phil will guest star to help them out, which is what Tony meant when he said they should start the negotiating process. Dr. Phil is the best. You either submit to the angry bald man or you kill yourself. Either way, he always wins.

A big "that sucks" to those poor bastards exposed to the nuclear radiation. And I thought losing my cell phone on the ski mountain was a crisis. Heller must have felt hella dumb when he told those guys to get out of there. Didn't he see the flesh dripping off their skin?

"We'd like to leave but my skin is slipping off my face and I want to fix that up before I leave. I gotta meet my date in a couple hours at Chuck E. Cheese."

I liked Crafty Curtis changing documents. I hope he also adds "Doesn't wash her hands after she pees" on Maryanne's resume. If you're gonna discredit someone, you may as well attack their character as well. And that may even be worse than being a spy because not having good hygiene is unforgivable and gross.

Jack has found a new interrogation technique: relating. This worked even better than shooting someone in the leg.

"I totally get you wanting to blow up and kill half the people in this country. I have problems restraining myself all the time. Why, just a few hours ago I was at this 7-11 and..."

Did Tony really just want to go home? He really must really dig watching soccer on TV. Or maybe he just wants more beer. I'm surprised he hasn't brought up how he's going to be paid for his day of work. He probably needs the rent money.

And what was that shit with Jack getting hit by a car??? A CAR! Though he did make it believable with that slight little limp afterwards. I guess the car was a Volvo or something.

It's a good thing Barooz is getting all the terrorism out of his dirty Muslim blood now. If it doesn't happen at 17, it won't come out until youre early 40s and by that time, it won't be as much fun anymore.

But it looks like no matter what happens, Terrorist Mom is going to have a "good news" day. Either Americans die or her son and her start a new life. If she ever gets that slurpee, she'll be in heaven.

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