The Door in the Floor

4 p.m. to 5 p.m.
2.21.05

Driscoll has a heart. By giving Edgar some emotional support with the understatement of the year (my goodness, how callous of me!) and giving Sarah the old my-bad-for-torturing-you shrug, the she-beast proves she's so much more than a hard, hard bitch. But ho, what's this? Let's keep an eye on that new Tony guy that I just re-instated because he's scowling at me funny. (yay for Tony!)

And I knew Sarah would get some brains after the shock therapy. She noticed creepy husband Paul's company on the computer and even got herself a promotion and two pay raises. So I guess that means her title will be Torture Technician and she'll be making $15.76 an hour. But still no benefits. You have to die and then be resurrected at CTU to get that. Now she has be friends with Driscoll. Eewwww. Was it really worth it?

Oh Edgar. He saved the pretty girl and she's still giving him shit like he's a dim witted fool. She'll find out it was him and then the lights will go down and they will be crowned king and queen of CTU. Jack would get it, but he's never around.

Crafty Curtis is getting better at this whole "torture" thing in his House of Pain. Although it did look like a desperate attempt to prove to the higher ups that he could actually get information out of someone.

"A dead body? You're a sick bastard!"
"It's the only thing I could think of. That sensory video game wasn't doing shit."

Amazing that Maryanne was trying to keep Curtis as a friend after the madness with the "I know it's gonna be hard for you to trust me after this..." She even flirted with Curtis with the whole "Can I put my foot down now? Or should I continue throwing out this sexy yet administrative vibe towards you?"

Poor Maryanne. That second password must have opened up that secret wall in the other room where the two thugs with guns and the bald man were hiding. If only she typed in the other password, the waiters would have shown up with ice cream sundaes and cookies.

Those thugs were crazy. You know why? The man had a shotgun and a suit on. I mean, it's one thing to be running around in a fancy $500 suit and wielding a pistol, but a shotgun? There's no way you can hide that. Unless you're the governor of California or a character in Grand Theft Auto.

So now I guess it's Crafty's turn to get tortured. Good. Maybe he'll learn something from the real House of Pain (Everybody Jump jump!)

BAAARRRROOOOZZ! He's going to playing that "I'm just a minor baby!" card for the rest of the season. So kill your pops, do some drugs, and help both sides in the fun game that is terrorism because it's going tp suck the minute you turn 18. Then you have to "act" like an "adult." At least until you hit 21. Then you revert back to 13.

It was funny when Bahrouz yelled "You're choking me!" at the beginning when Terrorist dad was dragging his ass down the hall. As if whining ever got you anywhere. I yell "I'm poor" and "I'm hungry!" all the time and I have yet to see a leprechaun with a pot of gold or a panda with a plate of food.

(And speaking of whining, Heller was going off on a pretty nasty whine with Driscoll. "Audrey's going where? WHHHY?? Why didn't you tell me? I'm gonna sit in the corner and pout.")

I was afraid Bahrouz was gonna pop one in Jack after he said "It's ok son...put the gun down." For a second I thought Brillohead was gonna come back with "You're not my father either! BLAM!"

-break-
A strang thing happened in the middle of writing this...

Ok at this point, I heard a knock at the door and when I looked out there was this little 8-year-old kid named Carlos. He asked me if there was a Carlos inside my apartment. Truth be told, I actually turned around and checked because this kid was really convincing. Then I said "But you're Carlos."

The kid shrugged and said he was looking for his dad. He left and tried another door. Five minutes later I heard another knock and it was Carlos again. I peeped through the hole and saw that he was crying! So i opened it up and he asked "Can I just stand outside your door?"

I brought the kid inside, offered him some water, and with my best Bauer impression I said "Let's go. We're gonna find your father."

We walked around the complex a little bit and I made sure we were at least five feet away from each other at all times. You have to protect yourself legally these days.

Carlos is eight but he'll be nine soon. I tried to lighten the mood by telling him that nine was a great age to be, as opposed to say 26. We found a door around the corner that was a jar.

"Hey the door's open." Carlos said.
"You don't go opening ajar doors Carlos. That's a rule" I said in a Bauer whisper.

I made Carlos stand behind me as I knocked on the door with cell phone in hand ready to call 9-11. It was his dad. He went in and I returned home, feeling like I did something good.

-break-

When Terrorist mom gave Jack an address to the final place where they were to get thier instructions, I was so sure it was going to be a 7-11, just to complete the stereotype trifecta. Alas, I still wait.

The door in the floor. Oh these guys are wicked smart for using a powerstrip to bring the eletricity downstairs in the basement. They can kidnapp the DOD and his daughter, write a virus to crack the security in all the nuclear power plants, and yet they STILL can't figure out how to bring a generator downstairs for power?

And what were all those chords for anyway? It's not like they had a television or a microwave for popcorn down there. There wasn't even a table or a sexy poster of terrorist mom for inspiration.

Aww. Tony got reinstated with Jack's help! Tony cried a little and Jack smiled. If you took out the music by Sean Callery (the first three seasons of music are available now!) and replaced it with the theme from Titanic, it could have been a Hallmark commercial.

"I read that card you slipped in my pocket while we were storming that room Jack. You really want me back?"
"Yes Tony. Hallmark doesn't lie. Not ever."

But the absolute best part of this entire episode was the wierd love triangle that formed around Jack, creepy husband Paul, and Sheryl Crow. I thought for sure Sheryl and creepy husband were gonna make out or something. It was also funny with Jack yelling at her to not go into the room alone because you know that's coming from CTU Agent Jack and Boyfriend Jack at the same time.

Appropiate Sheryl Crow song for this episode: "Picture" (w/ Kid Rock)
And this time I don't even need to mess with the lyrics!

"I called you last night at the hotel/ Everyone knows but they won't tell/ But their half-hearted smiles tell me something/ just ain't right..."

I can see why she dumped Paul. He was creepy as is, but when he said that "Maybe we shouldn't be talking..." that made ME want to leave the room and wash my hands.

But then WHO-HA! Jack comes storming in yelling "Get your hands off of her!" Is there a fantasy Jack hasn't experienced yet today? He robbed a 7-11, stormed a compound that was being fired at with missiles, saved his girlfriend, related with Terrorist mom, and climbed down a laundry shoot.

The only thing left is for him to ride a donkey drunk off Jack Daniels with the American flag wrapped around him and singing "We are the Champions...of the world!" And believe me, the rate this season is going, it's coming.