Gas Stations: Entrapment for Terrorists and Us

12 a.m. to 1 a.m.
4.18.05

Marwan has the codes and the locations of the warheads but according to The Bauer, he needs only one to craft his master plan. Had he wanted any more, then he could be considered a legitimate businessman and would have been ever harder to catch since CTU doesn't handle white-collar crimes.

Another thing CTU can't handle is a wimpy president who whines over the speakerphone. Whining is bad enough, but when you hear it through the phone, it's ten times worse.

How did Prez Logan get picked for the VP position? Did Keeler just need someone who wasn't a threat? A dog or a Canadian would have been much better and less annoying.

As always, Tony sees through the bullshit and bursts out with the "Uh, this president's a wuss" remark in the meeting room. Thanks Tony. You win the Captain Obvious crown of the week.

Although Tony does seem to have something with his "I'm sorry" speech to Bitchelle. It at least got her to check him out. Apologize to a woman for anything (especially if you did nothing wrong) and they will be silly puddy in your hands.

Maybe the problem is that Tony and Bitchelle forgot how to use their relationship voices. Look at Bauer and Sheryl Crow. They go from the loud choppy business talk to the soft, wimpy "Are you ok?" voice.

That's how you separate your personal life with your work life, a change in tone. That lets the person know that you've switched hats. Problems occur when one person is wearing the work hat and other is wearing the relationship one.

Sheryl Crow: We have a lead on the suspect, but Amnesty Global sent a lawyer
The Bauer: (less than a yell, louder than a whisper, and a touch of love) Remember that time at Motel 6 when we stayed up late and laughed at how funny it was to say "amnesty" after awhile because it sounded like "am nasty"? Haha, that was so funny because the guy they sent around never showered and…
Sheryl Crow: Jack…shutup.

Random Rant: I hate it when doctors use the word stable to describe a patient's condition. Stable means nothing. Dead is stable.

So Marwan got a warhead in the Midwest thanks to some shoddy military protection and the sweet cover of night. Where do these terrorists get their training that they can take over a military transport and…oh wait, we probably trained them.

A part of me was sorta hoping that Jack had a cousin in Ohio named Kyle "T-Bone" Bauer, who is like The Bauer except he has a southern accent and has the tendency to utter the phrase "Don't make me beat you with the snake."

Apparently Amnesty Guy thinks torture consists of a backroom and a rubber hose. Silly Amnesty. This isn't Cuba. We have electricity and Agent Richards who has a sleek-looking torture kit with fun needles.

And why didn't I hear of the torture technician job during career day? I would have studied a hell of a lot more had I known that an interesting and profitable career awaited me after high school of poking people with needles all with a smile. Stupid guidance counselors.

Thanks to the screw-up of Yosick, terrorist superstar of the night, CTU now has a possible lead to Marwan. And all because Yosick used his debit card instead of his Orbits card that garners him points for airline tickets.

But how does one use the wrong credit card? Think it's impossible? Think again friend.

How many times have you been putting gas in the car and all of a sudden a strange, yet familiar song comes on the outside radio and you can't help humming the lyrics to Journey's "Don't Stop Believing." Suddenly your mood shifts and you feel compelled to walk into the food mart inside and buy something, anything. All it takes is a Journey song and the smell of gasoline and they have you.
If it can get us to buy random pieces of crap, it can get terrorists to use the wrong credit card.

The appearance of Joe Brado has finally given us a terrorist with a personality instead of someone blankly talking into a cell phone and muttering about "the cause." It's a nice change of pace to see a guy who's just in it for the money. If someone talks about this vague and ambiguous cause one more time this season I am just gonna lose it.

Wait a minute. Twenty minutes have passed and there hasn't been one scene with the Bauer. What the hell? Can't they at least give us a little box showing him passing the time by playing the new Metroid game on the GameBoy Advance?
Instead we get an angry Edgar yelling about how it isn't fair that he can't have two minutes alone in the room with Brado. I think Buchanan secretly wanted to give Edgar that chance and take some side bets as to how long Brado would last.

12:42 a.m. Jack finally appears at CTU. I breathe a sigh of relief.

And boy is he pissed. He's got the president and some creepy bald lawyer (Am Nasty) telling him he can't beat the crap out of Brado and that is just making the rage boil inside the Bauer. He hasn't done anything in the past 20 minutes and he's itching to screw some shit up.

But he resigned and now the rage can be let free because he's now just an angry vigilante out to save the world by throwing bad guys in a van and hand cuffing them to the dashboard and seat.

I wish angry Edgar ran outside to join Jack in his vigilante crusade. Alas, unless he gets a bike or a golf-cart, that lovable bastard isn't going anywhere.

Oh and now we don't have to go by the book, so here comes the breaking of the fingers, garnering screams across the country after The Bauer turned Brado's hand into his own wish bone. I wonder what The Bauer wishes for when he does that. I bet it's for a racecar bed.

How can the finger breaking not get to the man, but the knife to the throat does? Jesus, I was ready to yell out all my secrets after witnessing someone's thumb getting broken off. After that, a knife to the throat is welcome surprise, just like the severed thumb in your bowl of chili.

It's vintage Bauer, who is essentially a crazy man with a gun. I expect all sorts of rule-breaking and at some point someone yelling "Jack, you're crazy!"
So apparently what this show is telling me is that the government will eventually be powerless to stop terrorism and that it is up to private citizens to take matters into their own hands. I guess I'll be joining the minutemen tomorrow and buying a "What part of Illegal Don't you understand?" T-shirt. Yay activism!