24 season 8 episode 1 and 2
4 p.m. to 5 p.m.
1.17.10

After hibernating from government work and anti-terrorist activity, Bauer has found a new life of naps, watching boring cartoons and going to the zoo to see bears.

And thanks to stem cells, he doesn't look like a grandpa. In fact, he's ready to work security in LA, which means he'll spend days keeping drunk teenagers from crashing into buildings, and making sure Jay Leno stops stealing people's jobs.

But like many grandparents in America, Jack is forced out of retirement because of the economy. Or an assassination plot.

Jack's new career involves conducting health care in back alleys and gaining info from a source before he eats the taco grande of death. He also has a new satchel, because the first anyone does when they come to NYC is buy something black. It helps conceal the blood.

The target this year is Omar Hassan, who has a penchant for peace deals and loose blondes with a reporter's notebook.

After bringing a source to CTU NY (which looks like a model agency), Bauer is debriefed by Chloe, who is displaying an epic fail at her new job, which was taken by her because her husband sucks at making money.

Bubba, from Forrest Gump, doesn't think too highly of Chloe's skills or her lack of shrimp dinner recipes.

His new one is shrimp interrogation gumbo, which is full of misdirection and shame.

Shame because though they captured a journalist (they are a shifty bunch), she is apparently only guilty of wanting presedential wang.

And where there's a man with a crush on a blonde woman, there's an angry wife saying "nut ah!"

CTU is on top of, and has a new motto: "We're different."

This is hardly the case. There is an office romance, which is connected to a random subplot of identity.

However they now have biometrics for interrogations, which is used to decipher mood changes and whether or not someone has a bun in the oven.

The terrorists are Russian and have already managed to infiltrate the security of UN. How? The Russian put on an accident and pretended to care. He doesn't.

It may not matter. Bauer has been awoken from his slumber, and like all bears, he's pissed off he's back at work, no mater how good the Bubba-Gump test happened

Soon Jack and Chloe form CTU 2 and fight terrorism the only way they know how: on a shoestring budget and random accusations. Creepy man enters an apartment? Lead! Jack has a feeling about something? Lead!