Things I want from 24: Season 8

This Sunday marks the return of Jack Bauer, who has been saved by stem cells and the capitalistic hunger of Fox.

For Season 8 (yes, it's been eight years), the Bauer finds himself appropriately in the city that never sleeps and, according to the trailer above, is hellbent on retiring. However, just like others his age, the the economy won't let him and he's forced to do what he did before for even less money and respect.

Here is a quick list of things I want, nay, need to see in Season 8. If I don't get at least half of these, I'm gonna be pissed. Like Conan O'Brien at NBC pissed.

1. Jack gets an answer after yelling "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?"

At this point, Jack should just assume everyone is working for a shadow government and that everyone is screwing everyone else.

2. Jack rides a horse and shoots people down with a shotgun a la Young Guns II

In fact, there should be more references to old Kiefer movies. If you count the amount of times Bauer has been brought back from death, the writers have been doing Flatliners for years.

3. Terrorists on the show are not from the Middle East or Muslim or rabid animals

If this season is going to be in NYC, the very least the writers could do is make the bad guys from the Jersey Shore (BTW: Bauer's Jersey Shore name would be Two Guns. Runner-up name: Tin-foil).

4. A major plot point is settled by a Thunderdome fight

Two men enter, one man leaves. It's been eight years. We deserve it.

5. Jack and Chloe makeout like high schoolers

I am fully prepared to gasp in both horror and surprise.