Aiming is for Amateurs24 Season 8 Episode 9
2.22.10
12 a.m. to 1 a.m.
It's now midnight and as the drunken hipsters of NYC line the streets of the Big Apple in search for an over-priced can of Pabst Blue Ribbon at a trendy bar, a band of would-be criminals are hitting the streets in search of the one they call Faraad, which I'm sure can be translated to Failure in a bunch of different languages.
Here is a quick list of his fails:
-being a good brother
-negotiating with Ukrainians
-running away
-looking like Jason Schwartzman
He's being hunted by his people because he refused to allow his rods to go off in New York City. Sadly, he's in the minority (more so than before. BURN!).
Even Bauer wants to get his rod to go off and placed a booty call to medical to make sure that Renee "I will stare you down instead of answering questions" Walker knows that she "has" him. That is CTU code for freaky monkey shower sex at 0h-three-hundred-hours.
But like most rods that are set to go off, Bauer's is cock-blocked (yes, I've abandoned the metaphor) by Bubba Gump who revealed that he is talented at hearing gunshots through a phone and getting appointed by White House Chiefs of Staff (staff. hehe. everything goes back to rods. I'm calling Season 8 to be one long penis joke).
Walker is forced to defend her eye-stabbing as self defense and Justice ain't having none of it. And if she had her way, Walker would go to jail.
"Excuse me sir you can't..." [Throatpunch!]
"Hey! You can't just come in here and... [Throatgrab!]
I completely understand. When a man has sperm built up in his system, it's not right to let it linger. Every sperm is sacred, which is why Jack refuses to sit or play by the rules. It damages the sperm.
Sperm is so sacred that even the potential of another man's seed getting close to your woman is enough for a CTU agent to go AWOL. This is also true of the urge for drunken tacos, but in NYC, that doesn't happen till 3:30 a.m.
Diet Cole-a (he looks like a regular CTU agent, but has less personality and oomph. So in the long run, he's healthier, but less exciting) is on the hunt as well, only he's tailing his fiancee Starbuck.
She's hunting with a silencer and watching her prey from a distance as they enjoy the company of two women of the night who apparently don't mind getting in a van that will eventually park itself in the woods. What they do have a problem with is when someone gets a little too "freaky." I can only assume Kevin's friend I'm with Stupid wanted to play the "Who Has Herpes?" game. Or maybe, just maybe, even strippers from Jersey city have standards.
What has all this been leading up to? The handover of Cole's command of a CTU strike team to 12-year-old Owen, a boy-man-child who looks like he just came off the soccer field and is ready for combat with cleats and shinpads. He also has "Destined to Fail" tattooed on his arm. He got it when he and Faraad when to Fail Camp as kids (the camp's motto is "Everyone Falls. Not everyone does it epically).
Instead, Hastings brokers a deal with Bauer because out of all the men and women CTU NYC has, his best bet is an aging retired agent with a history of being a loose cannon. It also proves that a man will do just about anything for booty...even go back to work.
Great post as usual. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for a mountain to jump out of the woods and eat Starbuck. Maybe the smell of blood will lure it out while she cries over her douche bag ex with a knife in his heart.
ReplyDeleteFaraad didn't fail at looking like Jason Schwartzman. He succeeded with flying colors. It's the only thing he's succeeded at.
ReplyDeleteHaha, excellent as usual. I'm hoping that the Starbuck arch runs out by next episode with both people dead.
ReplyDeleteI've got money on that the security conference is where the bomb is set to go off. It would bring everything together.
Finally, Jack and Renee better do something by episode 22 or Jack's gonna go AWOL on the city