The line between peace and justice is caked in vengenance and grand larceny

When two crazies get it on, sparks and bullets will fly

24 Season 8 Episode 18
9 a.m. to 10 a.m.
4.19.10

In the world of 24, peace can never exist for two reasons: it's boring and no one wants to see the Russians at any table, even the kiddie one on Thanksgiving.

With world peace an angry Russian away, Bauer is convinced that no peace is worth it when it has been born from the blood of the innocent. Especially when the innocent is a redhead who was a wild early morning lay.

Crazy uncle Logan's sleeziness has finally come in handy and has found a way to blackmail the Russians into returning to the Peace Table that will produce a treaty that will aim to bring peace to the world.

President Taylor: "You have a sex tape right? Wait, it's worse than a sex tape?"

PT is wasting her time living in the TMZ world of shame. Who needs a sex tape when you happen to know the Russians are behind a plot to ensure peace never breaks out in the Middle East, Europe or Jersey?

According to Logan, they are bastards who orchestrated the Nukes entering the States, the various assassination attempts on Hassan and for implementing Dana Walsh into the plot (most likely their worst offense of all). And the crux of Logan's plan? The simple playground threat of "I'm telling on you."

Logan's wild accusations are enough for the Russians to retract their previous stance of "Um, not really feeling it guys" to "Pass the peace pasta bowl so I can take a massive helping of political posturing."

This means (The Black) Dahlia will be sitting at the peace table across from the very people who indirectly killed her husband. Think of that Thanksgiving when your aunt met her ex-husband's new younger wife who works at Hooters. It's like that.

So while peace is coming through the backdoor (hold for immature laughter), which is the only way Logan will have it, Bauer is running around yelling at Russians in courtrooms and slapping moles with his fist to get to the bottom of the truth.

Chloe: "Jack! Stop hitting people!"
Freddie Prinze Jr: "Just let him play Chloe...he had a lot of sugar this morning" (pssft. sugar = sex).

Though he gets Dana "I will only stare into the camera with dead eyes" Walsh to start talking, Bauer is denied the chance to prove his lead right. Instead, el presidente wants peace thanks to a Julius Caesar quote and the fact that she already had 1 million posters declaring her "The Peacemaker" made up the week before (Homeland Security has to do something with its budget and lack of leadership. Poster making seemed like an obvious evolution).

And to ensure peace, President Taylor makes the bold move of putting Jack in a federal timeout for debriefing. Fatal mistake. Bauer reacts by leaving 24 behind and playing Grand Theft Auto with New York City.

Why do this? Because while peace sounds like a nice concept, the world runs on the war economy and guns will always be cooler than flowers...unless those flowers are filled with poisoned bullets that can shoot out of its petals.