The sexy and enticing thrill of "crossing the line"

MPAT, bored before she "crossed the line"

24 Season 8 Episode 19
10 a.m. to 11 a.m.
4.26.10

Not since President Clinton turned the White House into the Fun House was "crossing the line" this much fun and terrifying to watch.

What is "crossing the line" you ask? It's when someone runs past that point in one's sub-conscience that allows a person to go off the rails of sanity and suddenly embrace a world where things like grabbing a co-worker's boob, farting in a crowded elevator and torturing for a meaningless peace treaty suddenly sound like rational and viable ideas.

CTU Director Scowlface Chloe: "Jack, you're not thinking clearly. You need to calm the eff down."

Bauercopter: Bauer hears you, Bauer don't care.

Why has Bauer crossed the line and turned into a federal fugitive? The only reason your Uncle John wakes up at 7 a.m. to salute the American flag by firing a couple of rounds with his shotgun: to "git" the Russians.

Bauer's plan is for people to expose themselves out in the open...so all may know their shame. In this case, it's the Russian government for being the shadow terrorist for the entire season and for putting Starbuck in a shitty role with a really tight and revealing purple shirt (I salute you, 24 costume designers. Well played).

Despite Bauer's efforts, the U.S. government has declared the Russian evidence as "too evil," which is the same classification they gave Strom Thurmand's past and John Edwards' charisma.

Luckily, the peace process has a f(r)iend in President Allison Taylor, who is determined as a fat kid at a buffet to get what she wants, no matter the cost. In this case, the cost is waterboarding an enemy combatant and enraging one Jack Bauer.

This idea came from Charles "my neckfat is distracting" Logan who is turning into a combination of Iago and Richard III (yes, I was an English major too) in the twilight hours of 24's life.

Bauer's reaction to being an enemy of the state? Speed dial Michael Madsen and order up some weapons, which is the same thing I do when I get home and the dinner is cold (or, worse, still moving).

Bauer also enlisted the help of Freddie Prinze Jr. because after less than a day of working with him, Jack "knows" the Jr. enough to understand his patriotic soul. After a day has passed, Jack will also be able to tell when you are double crossing him, to pinpoint where you lost your keys and why you faked that orgasm that one time with that guy you met at Country Thunder.

And the only thing Bauer hates more than fake orgasms are fake treaties born from lying liars that have no hope in producing worldwide peace.