Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite? 24 Season 8 Episode 21
12 p.m. to 1 p.m.
5.10.10
Like the swine flu, Bad Bauer has taken a turn for the worse, which has him vomiting up evil in the form of medieval torture techniques, using a hot member of the press as bait (there aren't a lot of those anymore) and watching bad Russian porn in the back of an NYC taxicab.
"I told you feelings have no place in international terrorism."
"I love him. And you can not stop me from marrying. Him. Now."
It's all in the name of justice (either for the death of Hot Agent Walker or for constitutional rights, depending where your alliances lie). Bauer's version of the Justice league includes Jr., Mr. Blonde, CT2 (consisting of scowl-face and Arlo the Horny) and Meredith, the last of the hot journalists in the business.
BTW, I've seen newsrooms as of late and they look NOTHING like the busy one depicted on 24. Imagine the world from the film "The Road" and add flourescent lighting, and you'll get a closer picture to the truth.
Oh, wait. Jack knew I was going to mock the state of the newspaper industry and reference "The Road," and is now threatening violence. Why? Cause in the twilight hours of 24, Bauer has entered in the cheat code and now has the ability to sniff out any possible trap that is laid out for him.
Pillar: "Let's intercept this call and the place our men at the location with an angry bear and a 10-pound bucket of mustard...what? Whaddyamean Bauer escaped that fool-proof plan!??"
It seems Bauer (aka the writers) can't afford any downtime that shows the human side of Jack, which opens up the possibilty that he is a robot and programmed to make rash decisions based on nothing.
"Where's your sim card for the phone? It's not in the immediate area around my feet....you must have swallowed it! Time to 86 your intestine!"
Yes. Torture always works, particularly when it's preceeded by an extra TV warning for viewers (that way you know it's going to be extra graphic and awesome). The best part? Jack's defeated realization that the thing he loves the most doesn't work. Apparently the writers have read all those NYTimes, Newsweek and Christian Science Monitor articles about the "impact" of 24.
Actually his mistake was leaving Mr. Blonde in the other room. All you need is him and a slick 70s track, and a good torture session is a mere hacked-off ear away.
So instead, Jack looks for clues through torture and finds what he's looking for lodged between the Russian's pancras and lunch from the day before: Logan.
The ex-prez isn't worried because Russians never talk and the current president has started to forget conversations she had a day ago, as well as that pesky document called the Bill of Rights. Her Machiavellian march towards peace is distracting and useless.
The good news? CT2 (a counter-terrorism army of 2) has setup camp in a conference room thanks to Sprint's mobile network. When you can't trust anyone at work and you're trying to get in contact with known criminals, Sprint will lead the way and give you the invisible online pressance you desire as well as providing its users with an outlet to stare at porn all day, which is a different kind of torture all together.
Just be sure the porn you're watching isn't of Bauer getting down with his lady and you're watching through a scope. If that's the case, you may well lose a bellybutton in the near future, and possibly that sim card you had as a mid-afternoon snack.
I cannot wait until Jack goes after Logan. All these years of waiting for it, waiting! Finally it will happen, unless the writers mess it up and let Logan live, again =(
ReplyDeleteDark Jack is back for more...
ReplyDeleteI was also surprised that the torture did not work...Jack must be getting soft in his age. Although I hardly call pliers, fluids, blowtorches, and knives "soft torture."
But now that he knows Logan is behind it, I see Jack infiltrating the UN, continuing to breach National Security in the interest of....National Security.
Great blog, sorry I found it so late.
ReplyDeleteI hope that when Jack is torturing Logan next week, he cuts off his turkey neck.
ReplyDeleteI noticed the extra TV warning too right before the torture scene. It let me know that it was time to stop surfing the net and actually pay attention! And Logan has been communicating with this Russian dude from a phone that answers with his own personal voicemail message......riiiiiiiiiiight. Nice move Mr. President! Jack is outta control!
ReplyDeleteI am not sure if I should continue to feel sorry for Jack after last night’s torture scene or his execution style shooting of Dana. The worst kind of Jack you can think of, the kind in your nightmares, has arrived, and there is no telling what he will do next.
ReplyDelete"Where's your sim card for the phone? It's not in the immediate area around my feet....you must have swallowed it! Time to 86 your intestine!"
ReplyDeleteYeah, that's a little far fetched, unless The Bauer can suddenly read minds.