Death From Above

Without fail, whenever some says a drone has gone rogue or someone exclaims that they've lost control of a drone, my mind immediately conjures up the image of a plastic toy flying haphazardly in the wind and inevitably clonks some poor sap on the head.

In the world of 24, the drones may as well be that, since apparently it's impossible to shoot them down once we've lost control. Really? REALLY? You lost control of 6 drones, but there isn't one drone that's living off the grid that you can put back in the field? A drone that was decommissioned because of its surly attitude and penchant for watch tower flybys?

Where have all the maverick drones gone? Even Terminator sent back the old tech to attempt to kill the rogue robot. It's the first step you take when robots go bad. You go back to the old tech and hope for the best, the same way you pick up your Blackberry with your iPhone dies.

So now President's Heller's toy drones are all over Europe's yard and are headed to attack drone supporters in London. They may be robots, but they appreciate irony just the same. Empathy, as Blade Runner has taught us, is impossible.

This development has left the British Prime Minister less than pleased.

But fear not. We will be saved by code. The beautiful bits of phrases and commands that control all things internet and wired. The code will be proof that these robots are evil and should be trialed as an adult.

Wait. It's too late.

Brown Leader has taken control of 6 drones and will be releasing its payload into the deathstar London unless Heller gives himself up. Because he killed children with drones years ago. By accident. Also this worked as a plot point on Homeland.

He's really going to save us all. He has it planned out with his 9-fingered wife how they are going to survive since he used code for good to relay his location to the authorities and he's so smart because no one will find out and only he can pilot the...

Oh damn. The mom found out. And her son can apparently learn how to pilot stuff by just watching and playing Chuck Yeager's Advanced Flight Trainer video game. AND his wife is cold blooded. Brown Leader has made some bad life choices and will now die as all cowards do, on their knees as they get shot by their mother-in-law.

Somehow, that wasn't as awkward as Audrey's reunion with Jack where he tells her he killed a bunch of Russians and she allows her lady feelings to emerge. Why is this so awkward? Because in the span of their relationship they have both allegedly died and gone to China and lost their minds. Don't remember? Watch this lame video.

Speaking of feelings, I'm sick of Mark Boudreau expressing himself at all hours of the day. He also has the constant look of con-spair, which is a mixture of confusion and despair. It's the same feeling you get when you drink what you thought was a bloody mary only to realize it's just tomato juice in ice.

Con-spair is also the feeling Heller had when he realized the raid had the wrong coordinates and that Benjamin Bratt may have died. Even more con-spairing is that in 5 minutes he's going to forget who Benjamin Bratt was and will be forced to fake it.

So now the only option is to deploy Bauer once more into the field because these drones are out of fucking control and no one ever thought of developing a giant electronic drone swatter as a precaution. All Bauer needs is to find that forgotten drone who is most likely holed up in a dive bar on the edge of town sucking on a 56k modem and watching Flight of the Navigator. If anything, the government should create its own flying silver brain to combat drones. Either that or just sign up the drones for an online porn site and they'll be down every couple of hours or so.