Racial Profiling and other fun games

5 p.m. to 6 p.m.
2.28.05

I will never tire of torture, no matter how long or how brief. That said, imagine my joy when I saw slapping around Husband Paul in front of Sheryl Crow, who didn't want to leave. I don't blame her. If I had the opportunity to see my ex tortured, I'd bring popcorn and a digital camera.

It was really surprising that Jack even allowed Sheryl Crow to stay in the room to watch him poke her husband with wires from a lamp. Maybe he wanted to show off. Well it backfired Jackass. If you ever sleep with her again, she'll be watching every single damn lamp in the room.

And boo to Sheryl Crow for stopping Jack from shocking Paul's ear. I bet he was pissed too because a part of him wanted to see what would happen. It's going to take a while for Jack to let that one go.

Sheryl Crow: "C'mon C'mon baby. All I wanna do is have some fun."
The Bauer: "No...I really wanted to shock that ear. You took my fun away."
Sheryl Crow: "...But he's my favorite mistake and I just..."
The Bauer: "That's it. I'm getting the lamp."

(Sidenote: JACK WENT TO THE BATHROOM! He even slammed the door to call attention to it. But I didn't hear a flush or water running from the sink. So if he did do his nasty business in there, he's not a very clean guy. Then again, he's always been into creative torture and having a man touch you when you know he hasn't washed his hands is just icky.)

Crafty Curtis finally proved he wasn't a useless CTU drone. He faked out the sinister bald guy and I even got my pistil whip (though I'm still waiting for a repeated whipping). It's a shame Maryanne wasn't alive to see her stud in action. Maybe that was the problem with the relationship before: Curtis was just too boring and not crafty enough. Now he's Action Jackson.

I'm proud of him. He's earned his CTU merit badge for pretending to be dead and hiding behind bookshelves. He'll also recieve a free copy of L7's "Pretend that we're dead."

Understatement of the entire show: "Mrs. Driscoll...there's something wrong with your daughter."

Who's the Harvard professor that figured THAT one out. Driscoll should have been "Um...ya, she's schitzo. Give her some weed and a Wiggles video."

There have been comments made about the dialogue this season and it reached its utter crapiness during this episode when Mya was talking to the doctor.
Mya: "Doctor. I'm sorry. Make me feel good...but get THAT out of here!"

I swear I've heard that same dialogue in a porno once. If I was back at West Coast Video, I'd be able to tell you the exact film.

Kudos to Mya for going down the street and not across the road with her suicide. She may have been crazy, but she knew how to do it right.

Boo hoo, an episode without Bahrooz. It felt empty without that whiny brillohead running around toting a pistol and telling people he hated them. I fear he's gone forever, probably joining Chloe in a heated game of Life in the CTU "Time Out" room.

Terrorist Mom was looking creepy as ever while she was getting interrogated by Tony "look at my new beer gut" Almeda. And way to scare the crap out of her by telling her how horrible prison was, which was needed because people from the MIDDLE EAST have no idea about the darker side of humanity.

"If you won't help us, your boy will go to prison for the rest of his life. And let me tell you something about prison. The food is horrible and the toilet paper is only one ply. ONE GODDAMN PLY! Bahrooz will kill himself in three months. Two if they play the Hide the Soap in Your Ass game in the showers."

It made sense for Super Terrorist Marwan to pose as an IT techy and to hide in a cubicle. (more proof that IT guys are evil). Some of the most pissed off people in the world capable of taking down this country work in offices littered with cubicles. I wish Marwan re-created the Samir scene from Office Space with him yelling at the copy machine.
"Stupid piece of...someday I throw this piece of shit out the window!"

It doesn't matter how smart of a terrorist you are. The copy machine always wins.

Hmm, how do you find a terrorist in a sea of white people? Racial profiling! That first guy was damn lucky he was playing Freecell. He would have been screwed if it was minesweeper.

It was fun seeing how racial profiling worked. It would have been a lot funnier if the entire room was filled with middle eastern men and women. It could have been the terrorist version of Spartacus.
"I am MarwanWand."
"No I AM MARWAN!"
"It doesn't matter! We are all MARWAN TO YOU! WOhahaha!"

But alas, Jack found the Brown guy that didn't fit in and chased him out of the room. Ah Jack Bauer. He's just like Santa. He knows who's been naughty and who's been nice.

The"over-ride device" was a complete letdown, but I guess when you're expecting something to resemble a robotic dinosaur, you're bound to run into disappointment. And there goes Edgar saving the day by telling Curtis to punch in arbritary keys on the keyboard. I always thought IT guys did that to keep you busy while they fixed the problem on their end.

Curtis: "What do I do now??"
Edgar: "Just type all the letters of the alphabet till you get to P. Then stop."
Curtis: "Hey this is like scrabble...aw shit. What comes after O?"

If the terrorists were really smart, the way to control the device would be to beat a game of solitare. Being in a cubicle, it would have made perfect sense.

And now Marwan has stolen CTU gear and clothing, which is even more of a crime than terrorism. Screw with our emotions and nuclear power plants, but the minute you take our clothing is when we really get pissed. Your kids can put our clothes together at their "day camps," but no one gets to wear them but us. Chant it loud and chant it proud...USA! USA! USA!